OOM: Dinner

[latino_menace]

Ramon is so glad to get out of the museum because there's only so much culture a man can take, especially when you can't draw attention by exhibiting 'inappropriate' behaviour. Dinner's booked at an upmarket resturant a couple of miles away and he's quiet for most of the ride over. Just takes Random's hand in the back of the darkened limo and watches the city go by.

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[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Lets just go," he says, reaching out to stop Ramon before he can lift it again.

"Really, lover."

[latino_menace]

'Yeah. OK.'

He's had enough and throws in the towel with ease. Better to just call it a night, he thinks.

The attention of the waiter is caught and the bill brought over. Ramon pays in cash, leaves a large tip and then catches Random's eye as he turns towards the door.

Coming?

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

He follows, closer than he should, farther away than he'd like.

Out into the street, and he immediately looks around for the limo. Or just a taxi. Anything.

[latino_menace]

The maitre'd had called their limo when Ramon was paying the bill, so it's waiting ouside for them. He gets in without hesitation and immediately loosens his tie to let it hang, so he can open his shirt collar. He just wants to be comfortable and relax be out of here.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

Random climbs in after him, and once the driver sets off he draws close, resting against Ramon and sighing.

"This is hard."

[latino_menace]

'Yeah.'

It really is, and it's made worse by the way that he knows there's no way to make it any easier. All he can do is keep Random near until he decids to go.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

He makes a choked sound into Ramon's shoulder, and mumbles something before pushing closer. He ends up half in his lap, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

[latino_menace]

Ramon sighs quietly and puts his arms round him, drawing him fully into his lap so he can hold him properly. He glances at the screen to make sure it's up so the driver can't hear anything, then says,

'It's OK. Don't.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"It's not."

It just isn't. Obviously. Ramon just about made him cry in a public restaurant and he isn't even angry, just afraid right now.

"It's just not."

[latino_menace]

'...alright. So it's not.'

He's at a loss, but doesn't let go.

'Tell me what I'm supposed to do then.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Hold me as tight as fucking possible, take me home and kiss me until I can't breathe and put up with me while I cry during sex."

It's just that kind of night.

"Please?"

[latino_menace]

It draws a smile, at least. And Ramon does tighten his grip around him, pulling him as close as he can.

'We don't have to have sex. Not if it's going to make you cry. I don't want this to get any worse.'

But if he wants it, he'll get it anyway. Ramon will never deny him that. And anyway, it doesn't seem possible that it could get any worse.

He's trying not to think of when he actually leaves, of course.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No. I want you as close to me as possible."

He leans his head on Ramon's shoulder.

"I want you. I want you against me. I'm going to cry anyways. I'm just really, really tired."

[latino_menace]

And Ramon leans his head against Random's and closes his eyes, shutting out everything but the solidity of him and the quiet hum of the car.

'Alright then.'

He doesn't want him to cry. But this is happening and it's all inevitable, so why not that too?

His hand slides inside Random's jacket so it can curl round his side, feeling him warm underneath his shirt.

'I love you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I love you too."

He breathes deeply, trying to steady himself.

"So much. Spent the whole night wanting to curl up in your arms. Sorry we argued. Sorry I got mean. Sorry I couldn't make it better."

[latino_menace]

'Don't apologise,' he murmurs against his hair.

'I shouldn't have tried to pretend that a night out would make everything OK. Doesn't matter. It's over now.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I thought it would. I thought I could do it."

His fingers clutch tight in Ramon's jacket.

"I want to apologize. It makes me feel less stupid."

[latino_menace]

'What do you feel stupid about? You haven't done anything stupid.'

You want your son. I know what that feels like. I don't blame you, I just hate this.

He presses a kiss to Random's temple and wonders how long they can keep doing this for. The more he accepts that it's going to happen, the harder it is to bear the idea of letting him go.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I just do."

He doesn't have a real reason for it.

"Feel like there's some big thing I'm missing. Some key to make it better. Some key to make you happy. Nothing's there, I've turned it over in my mind a thousand times, but I still wish."

[latino_menace]

'Baby.'

His eyes open but stare at nothing.

'You're what makes me happy.'

And you're going and I can't stop you and there's nothing that's going to make that better.

'I'll be happy when you're back. It'll be fine.'

If he tells himself that enough, he might even make it true.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry I have to."

He stops there, because he can't say this again.

"Take me up to our bed. Hold me. Once more."

[latino_menace]

...once?

His blood runs cold and his arms stiffen round him. He doesn't know why - doesn't this make more sense? Get it over with and then it's done and

(I'll have to let him go and I can't, only a few more hours and I can't)

they can move on and it'll be OK.

But logic doesn't help him, as it never does over things to do with love. So there's a lump in his throat suddenly, his arms tighten further and his head betrays him by nodding in the dark as the limo rounds the corner to approach their motel.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

It pulls to a stop and Random pulls away, stumbling blindly out of the car and towards the door without looking back at the car.

Hopefully the driver will think he's drunk or something. It doesn't matter.

"C'mon, c'mon, please, take me inside."

[latino_menace]

Ramon follows, stopping only to tip the driver. Then he's inside, taking Random's hand and leadig him to the stairs to their floor.

The room is as they left it. Dank and grim, with messy sheets and stains on the flaking paint of the walls. The lightbulb is uncovered and harsh and it briefly crosses his mind that it's strange, their last night as only each others being held in a place like this.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"God."

The minute the door shuts he wraps arms tight around him, tugging at his suit, trying to get it off his shoulders.

"Please Ramon."