OOM: Dinner

[latino_menace]

Ramon is so glad to get out of the museum because there's only so much culture a man can take, especially when you can't draw attention by exhibiting 'inappropriate' behaviour. Dinner's booked at an upmarket resturant a couple of miles away and he's quiet for most of the ride over. Just takes Random's hand in the back of the darkened limo and watches the city go by.

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[latino_menace]

Lying inside him, on top of him, touching his hair and making slow love to him, Ramon thinks that Random feels pretty damn perfect himself.

'Love you too.'

Can't say it enough just now. Just can't.

'I'm not going anywhere. You know where I'll be.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"All that'll keep me going" he confesses, quietly, brokenly, turning his face into Ramon's shoulder.

"Have to be enough. Lover."

[latino_menace]

Ramon closes his eyes and tries to block out the thoughts of what Random's going to put himself through, how har it'll be for him. It's hard enough to deal with this when he's only thinking about himself - the thought of Random's pain as well is almost enough to make him beg him to stay.

Have to be enough.

Yeah, it will. He knows it. They have to get through it.

'Baby.' He kisses him deeply, still moving slowly. 'Write to me if you need to. Whenever you want. And don't forget that I'm waiting.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Thank you."

He pulls him closer, gasping as they grind together, wrapping his legs tight around him with a small moan.

"Christ. Lover. Please."

[latino_menace]

He nibbles along his bottom lip, determined to take his time, do it properly.

'Got time. Got time baby, don't rush me, please.'

Can't stand to have this over quickly. You'll go when we're done. In the morning. Either way. Shit.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Kay."

He opens his mouth, licking at Ramon's bottom lip in turn, then at his jaw, kissing him.

Make me feel perfect.

[latino_menace]

You are perfect.

Ramon looks him in the eye, stroking a finger along his cheekbone, his thumb along his jaw. There are kisses to his mouth, his jaw, his chin, his eyes...slow, gentle, careful, to match his movements as he presses into him and tries to gradually take him high.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Oh God, baby."

He tries to rock, can't, and writhes instead. Up against him, smoothly, because it feels so nice and perfect.

"So good."

[latino_menace]

And it's strange, this. How it can feel so good and so bad. Ramon...well, it's causing all the normal physical reactions. And it feels good and it's making him moan, as it should. But he can't seem to lose himself the way he normally does, can't let go and just enjoy it, make love for the fun and desire of it.

It doesn't mean Random has to know. Ramon tries to forget about it all, the knowledge that this is going to be the last time he does this in a while, the last time ever that Random will be his only. It doesn't work very well, but he still moves harder, pressing into Random and kissing him deeply, making soft noises into his mouth.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

He knew he'd cry during sex. Knew he'd cry during sex. Can't help it. Tries to help it and manages mostly, but can't quite.

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. Ramon feels wonderful, he always does. Maybe he's being sentimental. But it doesn't matter. Ramon will understand.

[latino_menace]

He does understand. If he weren't who he is, he'd probably cry himself. But he doesn't, he just whispers,

'Don't. Don't. You don't have to, it's OK. I love you, and you'll be back.'

and then kisses the tears away, wishing the weight would leave his chest.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I know. God, I'm sorry."

His eyes close, and he laughs, and tugs him closer.

"Come on. Rest a minute. Hold me."

[latino_menace]

'Rest?'

He does pause, rather thankfully.

'You don't want to do this?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I do. But just a second. Just hold on. Don't go away, just a few seconds."

He opens his eyes and smiles at him, weakly.

"Kiss me? I love you."

[latino_menace]

He nods and tries to internally regroup as he kisses him again. He doesn't want Random to cry over this - which is why he gently rubs the remnants of tears away, once he's pulled back - but he knew he would too. Knows that he's suffering through this decision.

'And I love you. We can not carry on if it's easier. I don't mind.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I don't care. I just want you against me."

He doesn't let his arms unclench.

"All I need. All I'll ever need."

[latino_menace]

He doesn't pull out of him, but doesn't move again either. He just tangles the fingers of one hand in the man's hair, and drops his forehead to rest on his shoulder.

'I don't want you to go. I know you will, and I know you have to and it's OK and all of that. I know you'll come back. But I just want you to hear it, so that you know that I'm not sending off lightly and not caring - I don't want you to go.'

He had to say it. Just so he knew.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to go either. You know I will, and it's not okay, and I do hear it, and I know you care, and you know I care and wish it was different and I don't want to go either."

But some things you can't change.

Random is shaking underneath him.

[latino_menace]

Ramon breathes out quietly, feels him shaking. And then he does pull away from him, only to lie on his back and tug Random to him so he can lie in his arms.

'Come here. Please.'

He wants to hold him until he stops shaking. He can't do that if he's fucking him as well.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to go."

He rolls with him, resting against him and taking deep breaths.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to."

[latino_menace]

His hands are suddenly stronger, a little fierce, a little hard as they crush Random against him. He's filled with the sudden, very real, knowledge that he's going and in only a few hours and it might be months...

'I don't want you to either.'

In this case, it doesn't actually matter what either of them want. Knowing that doesn't help.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

It makes him start crying again, helplessly, against Ramon's shoulder.

The months won't treat him well.

[latino_menace]

Ramon doesn't ask him t stop crying. He has a feeling it would be mostly pointless anyway, and better that he cries it all out, he thinks. He just strokes through his hair and stares at nothing, trying to get his head round the idea of Random being gone.

...and then stops, because it hurts too much. He just concentrates on Random instead, desperately trying to memorise evry movement of his body. Just in case something should happen.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

His throat is closing now, and his knees curling up as he makes himself smaller and smaller.

"Oh God."

It hurts. So badly.

[latino_menace]

'Baby, don't. Don't make yourself ill, please. Come on, calm down.'

It's awful to see, awful to feel. And he doesn't know what to do. He tries to not let him curl, tries to just make him hang on to him by pulling him close and holding on, murmuring quiet words in his hair.

'Just remember that you'll be back and I'm not going anywhere. I'll go to Haven with Martin. Just...I don't know. Think of us there and waiting for you and it's our anniverary soon so you have to be back for that and please just calm down down Random, please. I love you.'