OOM: Dinner

[latino_menace]

Ramon is so glad to get out of the museum because there's only so much culture a man can take, especially when you can't draw attention by exhibiting 'inappropriate' behaviour. Dinner's booked at an upmarket resturant a couple of miles away and he's quiet for most of the ride over. Just takes Random's hand in the back of the darkened limo and watches the city go by.

Comments

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Oh God, baby."

He tries to rock, can't, and writhes instead. Up against him, smoothly, because it feels so nice and perfect.

"So good."

[latino_menace]

And it's strange, this. How it can feel so good and so bad. Ramon...well, it's causing all the normal physical reactions. And it feels good and it's making him moan, as it should. But he can't seem to lose himself the way he normally does, can't let go and just enjoy it, make love for the fun and desire of it.

It doesn't mean Random has to know. Ramon tries to forget about it all, the knowledge that this is going to be the last time he does this in a while, the last time ever that Random will be his only. It doesn't work very well, but he still moves harder, pressing into Random and kissing him deeply, making soft noises into his mouth.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

He knew he'd cry during sex. Knew he'd cry during sex. Can't help it. Tries to help it and manages mostly, but can't quite.

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. Ramon feels wonderful, he always does. Maybe he's being sentimental. But it doesn't matter. Ramon will understand.

[latino_menace]

He does understand. If he weren't who he is, he'd probably cry himself. But he doesn't, he just whispers,

'Don't. Don't. You don't have to, it's OK. I love you, and you'll be back.'

and then kisses the tears away, wishing the weight would leave his chest.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I know. God, I'm sorry."

His eyes close, and he laughs, and tugs him closer.

"Come on. Rest a minute. Hold me."

[latino_menace]

'Rest?'

He does pause, rather thankfully.

'You don't want to do this?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I do. But just a second. Just hold on. Don't go away, just a few seconds."

He opens his eyes and smiles at him, weakly.

"Kiss me? I love you."

[latino_menace]

He nods and tries to internally regroup as he kisses him again. He doesn't want Random to cry over this - which is why he gently rubs the remnants of tears away, once he's pulled back - but he knew he would too. Knows that he's suffering through this decision.

'And I love you. We can not carry on if it's easier. I don't mind.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I don't care. I just want you against me."

He doesn't let his arms unclench.

"All I need. All I'll ever need."

[latino_menace]

He doesn't pull out of him, but doesn't move again either. He just tangles the fingers of one hand in the man's hair, and drops his forehead to rest on his shoulder.

'I don't want you to go. I know you will, and I know you have to and it's OK and all of that. I know you'll come back. But I just want you to hear it, so that you know that I'm not sending off lightly and not caring - I don't want you to go.'

He had to say it. Just so he knew.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to go either. You know I will, and it's not okay, and I do hear it, and I know you care, and you know I care and wish it was different and I don't want to go either."

But some things you can't change.

Random is shaking underneath him.

[latino_menace]

Ramon breathes out quietly, feels him shaking. And then he does pull away from him, only to lie on his back and tug Random to him so he can lie in his arms.

'Come here. Please.'

He wants to hold him until he stops shaking. He can't do that if he's fucking him as well.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to go."

He rolls with him, resting against him and taking deep breaths.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to."

[latino_menace]

His hands are suddenly stronger, a little fierce, a little hard as they crush Random against him. He's filled with the sudden, very real, knowledge that he's going and in only a few hours and it might be months...

'I don't want you to either.'

In this case, it doesn't actually matter what either of them want. Knowing that doesn't help.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

It makes him start crying again, helplessly, against Ramon's shoulder.

The months won't treat him well.

[latino_menace]

Ramon doesn't ask him t stop crying. He has a feeling it would be mostly pointless anyway, and better that he cries it all out, he thinks. He just strokes through his hair and stares at nothing, trying to get his head round the idea of Random being gone.

...and then stops, because it hurts too much. He just concentrates on Random instead, desperately trying to memorise evry movement of his body. Just in case something should happen.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

His throat is closing now, and his knees curling up as he makes himself smaller and smaller.

"Oh God."

It hurts. So badly.

[latino_menace]

'Baby, don't. Don't make yourself ill, please. Come on, calm down.'

It's awful to see, awful to feel. And he doesn't know what to do. He tries to not let him curl, tries to just make him hang on to him by pulling him close and holding on, murmuring quiet words in his hair.

'Just remember that you'll be back and I'm not going anywhere. I'll go to Haven with Martin. Just...I don't know. Think of us there and waiting for you and it's our anniverary soon so you have to be back for that and please just calm down down Random, please. I love you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

He whimpers into Ramon's shoulder, and grabs his hands, tying to do anything to hold on.

"I'm so tired."

His voice cracks.

[latino_menace]

'Go to sleep then.'

His voice is soft, he doesn't trust it to be louder in case he ends up following Random's example.

'Sleep, and I'll hold you. It'll be better in the morning.'

No it won't. It'll be worse, but that can be dealt with when it happens.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No."

Desperate. Fingers clutching in the sheets.

"No, want every minute with you. Want you to h-hold me. Please kiss me, just once more, then I will."

[latino_menace]

He turns immediately, kissing him with everything he has, knowing that the time is ticking away and feeling more and more desperate with every passing minute.

'Don't sleep then. I don't know. No, do. It'll be better for you - please don't cry anymore. I'm not letting you go, not until I have to.'

He prises one of Random's hands free from the sheets, pulling it to his lips to kiss it and then holding on to it as he kisses his mouth again.

'...love you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Love you too."

He swallows, and blinks away more tears, and does try, because he loves him very much.

"God. Please. I love you. I do."

[latino_menace]

Ramon kisses his eyes, his wet cheeks, his mouth, over and over and over. Small soft kisses, designed to comfort and love and let him know that he's here.

'I know. I know. It's OK. Just...please, it's OK. We'll be alright.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I know."

He sighs, takes a deep breath, and sighs again.

"Oh God. Oh Ramon."