OOM: Dinner

[latino_menace]

Ramon is so glad to get out of the museum because there's only so much culture a man can take, especially when you can't draw attention by exhibiting 'inappropriate' behaviour. Dinner's booked at an upmarket resturant a couple of miles away and he's quiet for most of the ride over. Just takes Random's hand in the back of the darkened limo and watches the city go by.

Comments

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"It's not."

It just isn't. Obviously. Ramon just about made him cry in a public restaurant and he isn't even angry, just afraid right now.

"It's just not."

[latino_menace]

'...alright. So it's not.'

He's at a loss, but doesn't let go.

'Tell me what I'm supposed to do then.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Hold me as tight as fucking possible, take me home and kiss me until I can't breathe and put up with me while I cry during sex."

It's just that kind of night.

"Please?"

[latino_menace]

It draws a smile, at least. And Ramon does tighten his grip around him, pulling him as close as he can.

'We don't have to have sex. Not if it's going to make you cry. I don't want this to get any worse.'

But if he wants it, he'll get it anyway. Ramon will never deny him that. And anyway, it doesn't seem possible that it could get any worse.

He's trying not to think of when he actually leaves, of course.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No. I want you as close to me as possible."

He leans his head on Ramon's shoulder.

"I want you. I want you against me. I'm going to cry anyways. I'm just really, really tired."

[latino_menace]

And Ramon leans his head against Random's and closes his eyes, shutting out everything but the solidity of him and the quiet hum of the car.

'Alright then.'

He doesn't want him to cry. But this is happening and it's all inevitable, so why not that too?

His hand slides inside Random's jacket so it can curl round his side, feeling him warm underneath his shirt.

'I love you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I love you too."

He breathes deeply, trying to steady himself.

"So much. Spent the whole night wanting to curl up in your arms. Sorry we argued. Sorry I got mean. Sorry I couldn't make it better."

[latino_menace]

'Don't apologise,' he murmurs against his hair.

'I shouldn't have tried to pretend that a night out would make everything OK. Doesn't matter. It's over now.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I thought it would. I thought I could do it."

His fingers clutch tight in Ramon's jacket.

"I want to apologize. It makes me feel less stupid."

[latino_menace]

'What do you feel stupid about? You haven't done anything stupid.'

You want your son. I know what that feels like. I don't blame you, I just hate this.

He presses a kiss to Random's temple and wonders how long they can keep doing this for. The more he accepts that it's going to happen, the harder it is to bear the idea of letting him go.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I just do."

He doesn't have a real reason for it.

"Feel like there's some big thing I'm missing. Some key to make it better. Some key to make you happy. Nothing's there, I've turned it over in my mind a thousand times, but I still wish."

[latino_menace]

'Baby.'

His eyes open but stare at nothing.

'You're what makes me happy.'

And you're going and I can't stop you and there's nothing that's going to make that better.

'I'll be happy when you're back. It'll be fine.'

If he tells himself that enough, he might even make it true.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry I have to."

He stops there, because he can't say this again.

"Take me up to our bed. Hold me. Once more."

[latino_menace]

...once?

His blood runs cold and his arms stiffen round him. He doesn't know why - doesn't this make more sense? Get it over with and then it's done and

(I'll have to let him go and I can't, only a few more hours and I can't)

they can move on and it'll be OK.

But logic doesn't help him, as it never does over things to do with love. So there's a lump in his throat suddenly, his arms tighten further and his head betrays him by nodding in the dark as the limo rounds the corner to approach their motel.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

It pulls to a stop and Random pulls away, stumbling blindly out of the car and towards the door without looking back at the car.

Hopefully the driver will think he's drunk or something. It doesn't matter.

"C'mon, c'mon, please, take me inside."

[latino_menace]

Ramon follows, stopping only to tip the driver. Then he's inside, taking Random's hand and leadig him to the stairs to their floor.

The room is as they left it. Dank and grim, with messy sheets and stains on the flaking paint of the walls. The lightbulb is uncovered and harsh and it briefly crosses his mind that it's strange, their last night as only each others being held in a place like this.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"God."

The minute the door shuts he wraps arms tight around him, tugging at his suit, trying to get it off his shoulders.

"Please Ramon."

[latino_menace]

'Ssshh, Random. Please.'

He lets the jacket drop to the floor, then pulls him into his arms to hold him as tight as he can.

'I'm so sorry about tonight.'

About everything.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Please, please,"

The night is hot, the air boiling, the room muggy and his suit unbelievably stifling somehow. Random's flushed, and tugging at Ramon's shirt now.

"I'm burning. Please."

[latino_menace]

'Baby, calm down'

It worries him, the panicked hands and the flushed skin. He tries to still them with one of his own, the other sliding Random's jacket off his shoulders.

'It's OK, we have time. Please, calm down.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Just hold me."

He's still feeling feverish, though he does still.

"Please. Maybe a cool shower would be a good idea?"

[latino_menace]

'Yeah, it would. I wanted to anyway.'
Don't want to make love to you then wash you away afterwards. Want my skin to remember you for as long as it can.
He leads him into the bathroom and sets the shower running, so that the spray of cool water can fill the air. And then he kisses Random as he starts to peel his clothes off him carefully, wanting him to stay calm.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

One of them should, clearly, and Random can't bring himself to.

His breathing is still coming hard.

[latino_menace]

The shower isn't strong but it's constant, it's not going anywhere. Ramon drops his own clothes to the floor and ushers Random in.

And when he's there he just...stands with him. Rests his hands on his shoulders and looks him in the eye.

'Look at me. It'll be alright.'

It's all he can say. All he can keep saying and he still doesn't know if it's true. But if he doesn't say it, his head will be filled with things he really doesn't want to hear.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Yeah."

His hands tangle in Ramon's hair, and he pulls himself up for a kiss, slower. Quieter. Still desperate but at least slightly controlled.

"Please. Lover."