latino_menace | OOM: Dinner

"Just hold me."

He's still feeling feverish, though he does still.

"Please. Maybe a cool shower would be a good idea?"

'Yeah, it would. I wanted to anyway.'
Don't want to make love to you then wash you away afterwards. Want my skin to remember you for as long as it can.
He leads him into the bathroom and sets the shower running, so that the spray of cool water can fill the air. And then he kisses Random as he starts to peel his clothes off him carefully, wanting him to stay calm.

One of them should, clearly, and Random can't bring himself to.

His breathing is still coming hard.

The shower isn't strong but it's constant, it's not going anywhere. Ramon drops his own clothes to the floor and ushers Random in.

And when he's there he just...stands with him. Rests his hands on his shoulders and looks him in the eye.

'Look at me. It'll be alright.'

It's all he can say. All he can keep saying and he still doesn't know if it's true. But if he doesn't say it, his head will be filled with things he really doesn't want to hear.

"Yeah."

His hands tangle in Ramon's hair, and he pulls himself up for a kiss, slower. Quieter. Still desperate but at least slightly controlled.

"Please. Lover."

'Lover.'

He breathes it before he kisses him, letting his eyes drop closed as he pulls lightly on Random's lower lip before kissing him properly. Slow and first, gentle tongue, before making it deeper and pressing against him, feeling the warmth of his body as cool water rains down on them from above.

He's determined not to rush this. Their last night and he wants it to be about them, not about about what's going to happen.

"Yes."

He wraps his arms tight around him, tilts his head back, opening his mouth and letting Ramon control it. It's a relief.

Gentle. Careful.

Mine.

Random had asked to be kissed until he couldn't breathe and that's exactly what Ramon does. He keeps kissing him, the intensity building slowly as he buries a hand in Random's wet hair, the other at his back, keeping him close.

His shoulders are already rising and falling rapidly as he hitches for breath.

But this is perfect. What he'd wanted. What he hoped for.

When he pulls back to breathe...he doesn't, really. He touches their foreheads together and his thumb makes small circles at the nape of Random's neck as he catches his breath under the spray.

'Better?'

"Yes."

He smiles weakly, up at him, blinking spray out of his eyes and then twisting to kiss Ramon's jaw.

"Thank you. Do you need to wash your hair?"

He nods, relieved that Random's calmer, and reaches for the shampoo.

'Si. Do you want to get out? I won't be long.'

Get clean and then wear you on my skin all night and try not to let it go..

"No, let me."

He grabs it from Ramon's hands, takes some, and leans up to kiss him as he works it through Ramon's hair.

"I want to."

Will you do this for her? Part of the charade that'll make her feel like I feel now?

He closes his eyes. He can do that. He doesn't want soap in them, after all. And his hands find Random's hips, to reside there while he waits and lets his lover touch him in a way that he's never let anyone touch him before, in almost fifty years of life.

Wouldn't be like this if I hadn't let myself fall.

But he hadn't been able to help it, and he's not sorry.

'Don't do this to her.'

Almost a whisper, as though he's embarrassed to ask it of him.

His hands, which had been sure, falter, and drop.

I didn't deserve to win your trust.

"Won't."

He smiles and if it's faintly sarcastic, it's at himself for asking, not at Random for agreeing.

He turns and lets his head drop back so that the water hitting his hair washes the shampoo away from his face.

'Finish it off.'

"Kay."

He does it quickly, eyes shut, and leans close as soon as it's done.

"I..."

so sorry so sorry so sorry

Ramon leans his back against Random's chest and searches behind for a hand that he can grasp and pull round to hold him for a minute. Just a brief minute. Soon he'll take Random to bed and love him and hold him afterwards, all night. But just for a minute, he wants to feel arms round him. Something to remember when he's not there any more.

"I love you" he mumbles, curling around him, arms wrapping tight.

It matters to him. Just this second of being kept safe, hoping that it'll be alright in the end. A memory he knows he'll drag up when things are at their worst.

It's nice, this security, no matter how much or an illusion it is. How can they be safe, knowing that someone else is invading their relationship?

But it isn't an illusion. Because Random loves him and he loves him back and that isn't going to change.

'Love you too,' he echoes quietly. And lets himself have one more minute before shifting, turning, pulling Random to him and kissing him.

'Come on. Bed.'

"Coming."

Anywhere Ramon wants him. Anywhere.

"Hold me as close as possible. All I ask."

'Of course.'

Couldn't keep you away if I tried.

Out of the shower, the room's still warm. Ramon doesn't bother about a towel for himself yet, letting the water drip off him to the floor. He picks one up for Random though, and starts drying him carefully, for the sake of touching and showing care.

'You'll take me home first?'

Because there are a few practicalities that should be addressed. And they stop him thinking.

"I promise, I will."

He drops his head forwards, just leaning against Ramon.

"But not yet. Kiss me first, please, please."

'No, not yet.'

Couldn't stand it to be now. One more night first.

He tilts his head to the side, sliding his hand up Random's cool shoulder to bring it to rest on his neck, his thumb brushing his cheekbone. The kiss is soft and sweet, a little insistent. A precursor to love; love that he'll put everything into in case it'll never be the same again.

Yes, it will. It has to. Random won't let it not.

"Of course."

He slips his hand low, between Ramon's legs, touching him gently, exploring. His breath is quiet. The room is quiet, except the whirr of cheap air conditioner.

So Random touches Ramon, delighting once more in the feel of him.

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