OOM: Fatherhood

[latino_menace]

Ramon's got something on his mind. It's been on his mind for a while, if he's honest, but the events of the day have pushed it to the front of his mind somewhat and now he really wants to talk to Random about it.

But first - showering and changing after his impromptu dunking in the ocean. And Random's busy with Martin for a while so he just goes to lounge on the sofa, fiddling with his lighter and staring at nothing while his mind turns things over.

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[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

Quickly enough he arrives, grinning, holding the baby. It's only a second before he spots him, and sits down in front of him, leaning back against his chest and keeping Martin safely tucked in his arms.

Ramon and Random often sit like this, and the baby fits in to the tangle neatly enough that it's no great hardship, as far as Random's concerned.

"Hey."

[latino_menace]

As always, arms go round him at once, and Ramon says, 'Hey,' in his ear. And then kisses it, while eyeing the baby speculatively.

'He didn't burn did he?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"He's alright."

Doing well, even. Tired from an exciting day, and occasionally giving a little yawn.

Much like his father. Only his is not so little.

"You did well."

[latino_menace]

'Mmmm. Bianca took care of him, mostly.'

He nuzzles tiredly at the back of his head, because his own day has been tiring too. Being thwarted in attempts to chat up pretty girls and then getting thrown in the sea will do that.

'How're you doing? Wasn't too bad, with Arithon?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"It was hard."

The girl...

"I've not worked with someone so hurt in years. She's a sad thing. Calls everyone 'Master' off the bat. If I ever find who made her that way I'm fucking disemboweling them."

Protective instincts flare, and he wraps Martin a little tighter in his arms.

[latino_menace]

'Why, what happened to her? Bianca said something about trauma but didn't go into details.'

He notes the tightening of the arms and internally sighs.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Too much."

He... doesn't even know, really.

"Obviously someone decided it'd be good to have a pliant, pretty little girl doing their bidding. I've changed my mind, I'm cutting his dick off first. Because she lost her soul. No one should be destroyed so absolutely."

[latino_menace]

'Right.'

He really makes an attempt to care and just...doesn't.

'Well, if you say so.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"You didn't see her."

He sighs, and leans back against him.

"Shit. I need to calm down. Tell me what you're thinking about?"

[latino_menace]

The usual responses come to mind.

You.

Thinking about taking you to bed.

Nothing.

What's for dinner?

None of them seem quite right really. Because he really does have something on his mind.

He leans over a little, and rests his cheek on Random's shoulder, looking towards his face.

'You're going to have him grow up calling me Pai?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"It's a pretty word."

He likes the weight of Ramon's head; it's comfortable and warm, and every sort of perfect.

"And you're here with me. I want people who talk to him to know what we are to eachother, you know? We're not brothers sharing custody of our sisters brat."

[latino_menace]

His brow quirks into a frown at that, and things suddenly become a little more confusing.

'Oh.'

He doesn't really know what else to say.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Does it bother you that much?"

He shifts a little, so he can look at him.

"Really?"

[latino_menace]

'... I don't know.'

As Random's looking at him, he gets a quick kiss. Because that sort of thing is always easier than talking anyway.'

'You do know what the word means, right?'

He knows Random speaks Portuguese but also that he learnt it a long time ago. Things might have changed for all he knows.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Dad."

Obviously.

"I thought he'd use English, for me. It's probably easiest. I thought it was pretty clear phonetically, the sentiment behind yours, lover."

[latino_menace]

'Mmmm.'

Well, that rules out misunderstanding. Ramon sighs.

'Is that what you want then? Me to be his father? Or is it just that you want the world to know that we're lovers?'

That possibly came out harshly but he really didn't mean it that way. He's just not good at articulating things when he doesn't really know what he's thinking.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Aren't I allowed to want both?"

He looks at him, steadily.

"I'm not... you don't need to change what you're doing. You're already being perfect. But I want him to be allowed to love you because when he's three and you pick him up from a fall and tend his scraped knee when I'm in the bar... yeah. I want him to be allowed to love you."

[latino_menace]

He's at a loss. Again. His eyes fall shut and he just rests for a moment, trying to figure this out.

'Baby...of course you can want both. I just need to know if you do. Right now, I have no idea what you expect and then you suddenly decide that he's going to call me Dad - in whatever language - and I just didn't know if you actually want me to be his father or whether its just a cute title.'

He stops to take a breath, fighting anxiety.

'As for love - well, that up to him. I don't think its a thing you can allow' or not.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I do."

He stops pretending that he's calm, and closes his eyes tight, for just a moment.

"If I had my way, the two of you would be father and child as well, yes. But I never told you that, I don't expect it, and I can't and won't force it."

[latino_menace]

He breathes out heavily - and rather sadly - and suddenly leans forward to rest his head at the junction of neck and shoulder. So his voice is rather muffled when he says,

'I don't know if I can, Random.'

He already knows he'll try. But he feels he has to be honest and point out that it might just simply not work.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Are you going to try?"

That... that's one of those 'two good to be true' things that needs to be said out loud, going on Random's tone of voice.

...please?

[latino_menace]

It's quiet, for a moment. And then he raises his head and lays the gentlest of kisses on his neck.

'For you? Anything.'

As Dream said, it's the nature of love, after all. And even before that conversation, he'd resolved to try. He thinks back to the night he told Martin what was coming, not that the baby cared of course.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Oh my Christ."

Random, to the sound of annoyed protests from Martin, shifts so he can lean over and kiss him soundly.

Because of all the anythings to give him, this... yeah.

[latino_menace]

He smiles around the kiss as best he can, glad that he can at least make him a little bit happy.

When its done, he shifts them so they're so close, because there's still more to say and he wants to hold him for it. But first, it's important that he knows that,

'I love you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

A little bit happy?

His heart is pounding in his chest, he can hardly think, and he's pretty sure the world is spinning.

"How did I find you? How? How spectacular you are."