OOM: Talk

[latino_menace]

It's felt awkward, to him. And he's kept his distance seeing as she was obviously upset and didn't want to talk about it anymore. He's confused, because he thought he was offering her what she wanted, and a bit put out that she dismissed the idea out of hand. Or so it seemed to him.

So he'd gone for a swim and read a book and almost took the boat out but, in the end, didn't. And now it's evening and he has another book, which he's skimming through on the sofa in the lounge. Another warm evening, no sound out there but the waves and breeze. This place is getting too quiet for him.

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[latino_menace]

His eyes follow her over the top of his glasses but he doesn't move his head, or get up to follow her. He doesn't know what he'd say, anyway. He's been trying to think of something to say all afternoon and is still coming up blank.

So, for now, he lets it be.

[justcallmefee]

She pours herself a large glass of wine and starts rummaging for something to fix for dinner.

This isn't how it's supposed to be between them.

She's tearing herself up inside for not laughing it off in the first place. (But the way he held her. "Mother of my child.")

Fiona's never been good at letting it be.

"Come keep me company while I cook?"

[latino_menace]

'I'm tired, Fi,' he returns.

And he does sound it.

'If you want to talk, come in here.'

The idea of anything so domestic as carrying on polite conversation while she makes dinner makes him balk. What's the point in playing happy families?

[justcallmefee]

She doesn't answer for a long time, moving around in the kitchen, throwing together a salad for her and a grilled sandwich for him.

She drinks the glass of wine and pours herself another.

His wounded pride is really the least of her worries right now.

(Not 'marry me', not 'I love you', just 'have my baby'.)

[latino_menace]

He finishes his tequila and goes back to his book, trying not to hear her moving around in there.

He'd like to talk about it rationally. But he can't see how it can happen; he gets confused, she starts crying. It's always the same.

Besides, he offered her what she said she wanted. And she said no. So he has no idea what he's supposed to say now.

[justcallmefee]

If he thinks about it, she didn't say no. She said it was impossible, she said it was insane, she pointed out all the ways it could go wrong. But she never said no.

She brings him his sandwich, setting it beside his drink before sitting beside him with her salad perched on her chest.

She tucks her legs under her when she sits, which lets her bare feet rest against his thigh.

[latino_menace]

'Thanks.'

He picks it up with one hand and doesn't stop reading. Or pretending to, anyway.

[justcallmefee]

She finishes her salad, and sets the bowl aside.

And then she turns and very careful to slide his bookmark in between the pages he's reading, takes the book away from him, setting it aside as well.

"Don't shut me out."

[latino_menace]

He lets her without resistance and puts down the half sandwich he has left.

'I'm not. I just don't know what you expect me to say.'

[justcallmefee]

"Something. Anything. Tell me I'm wearing too many clothes. Call me 'yours' again. Ask me why this scares me so much. Just don't shut me out."

[latino_menace]

He thinks back, briefly, to days where no one was scared of anything. Or if they were, they certainly didn't tell him about it.

Heaven.

'I'm not,' he repeats, without heat.

'I asked you, you said no. That's the end of it, isn't it?'

[justcallmefee]

She looks at him, willing him to meet her gaze, needing their connection right now.

Maybe he doesn't love her, but he feels something for her, else they wouldn't be here, having this conversation.

"I never said no."

[latino_menace]

His eyes flick sideways, a hint of animation coming back to him.

'Then what's the problem?'

[justcallmefee]

She meets that dark gaze, her head falling gently to one side, a soft smile on her lips.

"Where to start?" There's a bit of a breathless laugh on her voice. "First, how would it change -- what we have now? And I'm serious, I want to know how you think you and I will be when we have a child to take care of. I'm not even sure -- I mean --"

She shakes her head, one hand covering her mouth, hiding a pained smile.

[latino_menace]

It's probably not a surprise to anyone to hear that he hasn't thought of this. It hadn't occurred to him that anything would change.

'Why would it change anything? Less sex, I guess, at least at first. After that, why would anything be different?'

[justcallmefee]

She looks at him, eyes wide.

"Because it won't just be you and me. There's a whole other person in the equation. One that I'd like to think we both loved more than life itself."

The words tumble out of her mouth in a breathy explanation. She can't even believe he hasn't thought this out.

[latino_menace]

Ramon's never loved another human being more than life itself, not even Random.

Well. Maybe Random, at times.

But he's smart enough not to say that.

'I still don't understand your point. Yes, there'll be three of us. That doesn't affect the day to day being together part, you know. When a kid's asleep, it'll be the two of us again. When it's not, there's three of us. I don't see the difference.'

He's done this before. Once the change in regime is gotten used to, nothing so much is different. Unless she has something specific in mind she's not saying.

[justcallmefee]

Imagine how he'd feel to find that's how she'd describe what she feels for him.

She keeps looking at him, wide-eyed. She's never had to think about it before, but she's starting to see where loving someone (where being loved) has its distinct advantages. It would make all this so much less terrifying.

"Am I just greedy to want you all to myself? Just for a little while longer? Does that make me a bad person?"

[latino_menace]

'Considering you didn't know, until this morning, that it'd ever be anything but the two of us - no.'

He doesn't look at her.

'But where I'm from, if you're going to be with a woman long-term, then you have kids. Otherwise it's...'

He, wisely, stops that sentence before the end.

'...I thought that's what you wanted.'

[justcallmefee]

"Oh Ramon..."

Her voice trails off and she looks away.

It was something she wanted a life time ago, before a random bullet took Claire away and changed her life forever. It was something she dreamt about, something that happened to other people

(Since when has what I wanted ever mattered to you, you selfish prick?)

He's already told her she can't have what she wants.

"I'm still reeling from the possibility that there might still be an 'us' ten years from now. If you get bored and trade me in on a younger model, well... Then I'll just have to deal with it. But if there's a child involved?"

[latino_menace]

Now he looks at her and it's not a happy sort of look.

'So why don't you tell me, Fiona, what exactly a younger model is supposed to give me that you don't? For fuck's sake, in a hundred years they'll all be 'younger models' to me. Including the kid that'll be dead long before I will. Why do you assume I'm going to leave you when I've told you I won't?'

[justcallmefee]

"Stop," she says, holding up a hand, and letting it rest on his arm. His anger is easier to face than his disappointment.

"I'm sorry I put it that way, because that's not what I meant. You're a business man, Ramon. You know about running the odds. Bring a child into the equation, and it changes everything."

"Please. I really don't want to fight about this. Just last night -- caro." Her hand slides down to his, taking his hand between hers, and maybe he can see the power of the emotion, even if he doesn't understand what the emotion itself is.

She doesn't want to think about a hundred years from now, or about his life when she's dead and gone. They're here, the two of them. And he's right. It is something she's wanted, but there's too far between the reality and the fantasy for her to bridge the divide just yet.

[latino_menace]

'I think you're thinking about this far too much. You're seeing problems where there aren't any.'

He lets her hold his hand, no resistance.

'Having a child is the easiest thing in the world. Christ, thousands of people have them by accident every day. And some never have money their whole lives, some never get out of the slum house they're born in. I've seen it. And you're worried about...what?'

Maybe she can see that he really doesn't know what the complication is.

'I have more money than I could spend in even my lifetime. We can have houses anywhere we want, all the help we want, work or not, as we want. We have access to a fucking magic bar for Christ'sake. There's nothing we couldn't give a child. All you have to do is say yes.'

[justcallmefee]

There's a part of her that hears his words and thinks, why not? He seems committed to the idea and unconcerned about any issues that might arise. Why make such a big deal out of it?

But her heart cannot get passed the obvious.









"It's too soon."

He doesn't want to listen to her cry. He doesn't care about anything but getting his way, so she shutters off that part of herself, welds big steel doors around it and cuts off the light of day.

"I'm not saying no," she adds, in a quiet, almost defeated tone. "I just -- I'm not ready to say yes, yet."

[latino_menace]

He thinks this over as he finishes his drink off. He's not entirely pleased but not exactly displeased either. Because she's not saying no and really, in his mind, that's practically a yes.

'Time is something I have unlimited quantities of.'

Almost true.

'At least promise me you'll talk to someone about having the operation reversed. Check it can be done.'

If medicine fails, he has another way. But if he suggests it and makes it sound too easy, he thinks she'll find another way to dismiss it.