OOM: Talk

[latino_menace]

It's felt awkward, to him. And he's kept his distance seeing as she was obviously upset and didn't want to talk about it anymore. He's confused, because he thought he was offering her what she wanted, and a bit put out that she dismissed the idea out of hand. Or so it seemed to him.

So he'd gone for a swim and read a book and almost took the boat out but, in the end, didn't. And now it's evening and he has another book, which he's skimming through on the sofa in the lounge. Another warm evening, no sound out there but the waves and breeze. This place is getting too quiet for him.

Comments

[latino_menace]

'Thanks.'

He picks it up with one hand and doesn't stop reading. Or pretending to, anyway.

[justcallmefee]

She finishes her salad, and sets the bowl aside.

And then she turns and very careful to slide his bookmark in between the pages he's reading, takes the book away from him, setting it aside as well.

"Don't shut me out."

[latino_menace]

He lets her without resistance and puts down the half sandwich he has left.

'I'm not. I just don't know what you expect me to say.'

[justcallmefee]

"Something. Anything. Tell me I'm wearing too many clothes. Call me 'yours' again. Ask me why this scares me so much. Just don't shut me out."

[latino_menace]

He thinks back, briefly, to days where no one was scared of anything. Or if they were, they certainly didn't tell him about it.

Heaven.

'I'm not,' he repeats, without heat.

'I asked you, you said no. That's the end of it, isn't it?'

[justcallmefee]

She looks at him, willing him to meet her gaze, needing their connection right now.

Maybe he doesn't love her, but he feels something for her, else they wouldn't be here, having this conversation.

"I never said no."

[latino_menace]

His eyes flick sideways, a hint of animation coming back to him.

'Then what's the problem?'

[justcallmefee]

She meets that dark gaze, her head falling gently to one side, a soft smile on her lips.

"Where to start?" There's a bit of a breathless laugh on her voice. "First, how would it change -- what we have now? And I'm serious, I want to know how you think you and I will be when we have a child to take care of. I'm not even sure -- I mean --"

She shakes her head, one hand covering her mouth, hiding a pained smile.

[latino_menace]

It's probably not a surprise to anyone to hear that he hasn't thought of this. It hadn't occurred to him that anything would change.

'Why would it change anything? Less sex, I guess, at least at first. After that, why would anything be different?'

[justcallmefee]

She looks at him, eyes wide.

"Because it won't just be you and me. There's a whole other person in the equation. One that I'd like to think we both loved more than life itself."

The words tumble out of her mouth in a breathy explanation. She can't even believe he hasn't thought this out.

[latino_menace]

Ramon's never loved another human being more than life itself, not even Random.

Well. Maybe Random, at times.

But he's smart enough not to say that.

'I still don't understand your point. Yes, there'll be three of us. That doesn't affect the day to day being together part, you know. When a kid's asleep, it'll be the two of us again. When it's not, there's three of us. I don't see the difference.'

He's done this before. Once the change in regime is gotten used to, nothing so much is different. Unless she has something specific in mind she's not saying.

[justcallmefee]

Imagine how he'd feel to find that's how she'd describe what she feels for him.

She keeps looking at him, wide-eyed. She's never had to think about it before, but she's starting to see where loving someone (where being loved) has its distinct advantages. It would make all this so much less terrifying.

"Am I just greedy to want you all to myself? Just for a little while longer? Does that make me a bad person?"

[latino_menace]

'Considering you didn't know, until this morning, that it'd ever be anything but the two of us - no.'

He doesn't look at her.

'But where I'm from, if you're going to be with a woman long-term, then you have kids. Otherwise it's...'

He, wisely, stops that sentence before the end.

'...I thought that's what you wanted.'

[justcallmefee]

"Oh Ramon..."

Her voice trails off and she looks away.

It was something she wanted a life time ago, before a random bullet took Claire away and changed her life forever. It was something she dreamt about, something that happened to other people

(Since when has what I wanted ever mattered to you, you selfish prick?)

He's already told her she can't have what she wants.

"I'm still reeling from the possibility that there might still be an 'us' ten years from now. If you get bored and trade me in on a younger model, well... Then I'll just have to deal with it. But if there's a child involved?"

[latino_menace]

Now he looks at her and it's not a happy sort of look.

'So why don't you tell me, Fiona, what exactly a younger model is supposed to give me that you don't? For fuck's sake, in a hundred years they'll all be 'younger models' to me. Including the kid that'll be dead long before I will. Why do you assume I'm going to leave you when I've told you I won't?'

[justcallmefee]

"Stop," she says, holding up a hand, and letting it rest on his arm. His anger is easier to face than his disappointment.

"I'm sorry I put it that way, because that's not what I meant. You're a business man, Ramon. You know about running the odds. Bring a child into the equation, and it changes everything."

"Please. I really don't want to fight about this. Just last night -- caro." Her hand slides down to his, taking his hand between hers, and maybe he can see the power of the emotion, even if he doesn't understand what the emotion itself is.

She doesn't want to think about a hundred years from now, or about his life when she's dead and gone. They're here, the two of them. And he's right. It is something she's wanted, but there's too far between the reality and the fantasy for her to bridge the divide just yet.

[latino_menace]

'I think you're thinking about this far too much. You're seeing problems where there aren't any.'

He lets her hold his hand, no resistance.

'Having a child is the easiest thing in the world. Christ, thousands of people have them by accident every day. And some never have money their whole lives, some never get out of the slum house they're born in. I've seen it. And you're worried about...what?'

Maybe she can see that he really doesn't know what the complication is.

'I have more money than I could spend in even my lifetime. We can have houses anywhere we want, all the help we want, work or not, as we want. We have access to a fucking magic bar for Christ'sake. There's nothing we couldn't give a child. All you have to do is say yes.'

[justcallmefee]

There's a part of her that hears his words and thinks, why not? He seems committed to the idea and unconcerned about any issues that might arise. Why make such a big deal out of it?

But her heart cannot get passed the obvious.









"It's too soon."

He doesn't want to listen to her cry. He doesn't care about anything but getting his way, so she shutters off that part of herself, welds big steel doors around it and cuts off the light of day.

"I'm not saying no," she adds, in a quiet, almost defeated tone. "I just -- I'm not ready to say yes, yet."

[latino_menace]

He thinks this over as he finishes his drink off. He's not entirely pleased but not exactly displeased either. Because she's not saying no and really, in his mind, that's practically a yes.

'Time is something I have unlimited quantities of.'

Almost true.

'At least promise me you'll talk to someone about having the operation reversed. Check it can be done.'

If medicine fails, he has another way. But if he suggests it and makes it sound too easy, he thinks she'll find another way to dismiss it.

[justcallmefee]

She just nods.


You had to know this could happen, Fiona. The devices you build, they're blood thirsty little bastards, and they don't know the difference between an armoured car and a school bus. And they don't care. So why should you?"

She stands abruptly, collecting his dish and hers and heading back into the kitchen.

[latino_menace]

He picks his book up again, thinking they're done with talking about it for now. And quite relieved about it really, even though he's not going to be happy until he gets the answer he wants.

And he's not sure why he wants it so badly. A mark of ownership, perhaps. He had meant it in the hot tub last night, when he'd told her she'd never take another man as long as she lived. Giving her his children would ensure that.

But it's more than that. He doesn't want to see her go and if she's going to stay, he wants her to be happy. She wants kids and he wants another son. He has a new life, thanks to Milliways, and there will be a new empire to build once he sorts out the mess back home. He's long since given up on his current children being any use.

It's maybe ten minutes before he notices that she hasn't come back. And that's unusual for her so he gets up and wanders into the kitchen, stopping to refill his glass along the way. He leans on the doorframe and watches her a moment, seeing that something's up in the way she's holding herself and trying to think what it could be now.

'What's wrong, Fiona?'

[justcallmefee]

She turns, a little too quickly, and there's a hunted look on her face. She gives him a brittle smile and goes back to drying the dishes, one shoulder rising and falling in a little shrug.

"You just -- shook my whole world up. That's all."

[latino_menace]

'Thought I did that all the time.'

He smirks but he had noticed the too-quick movement. And by now, he knows her body language anyway.

'There's something you're not telling me.'

[justcallmefee]

She laughs a little, clearly struggling to keep it light.

"Tragedy struck this afternoon in the West Farrington Road. An explosion from an IRA bomb struck a school bus and killed five children, wounding twelve others."

"It's --"

"Sources tell us that the target was an armoured car delivering five million pounds to the Allied Bank, and that the school children were not the intended targets."

She sets the dishes very carefully in the drainer and tucks the towel over the rail to dry.

"The police are looking for anyone with information connected to the bombing or to the terrorist organisation responsible."

"I'm not supposed to have kids. I gave up that right a life time ago."

[latino_menace]

'Why?'

He doesn't move closer on purpose. He needs her to stand there and talk to him, not hold on to him and cry. At least not until he finds out what the real problem is here.