latino_menace | OOM: Decisions

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OOM: Decisions

It's been hours since Random's quiet message. Hours. And he'd said nothing more than he was going to the studio for a while and not to wait up. That was almost a full day ago and there's been nothing since. Ramon's regretting the promise he made to stay away from there. Just a little, but still. He knows he got that place for Random alone but that's not the point. He's worried.

There's nothing he can do but wait. So now he's sitting on the sofa in near-darkness, a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other. Random has to come home sometime.

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Random slides back through the door. It's been... longer than he thought. He isn't sure. A day. A bit less.

"Hey."

Ramon turns his head to look at him, frowns at the expression on his face. Then he gets up and walks over, stopping just in front of him though he doesn't touch...he doesn't know what this is about or how serious it might be.

'What happened?'

"He loves you," says Random, exhaustion heavy in his voice.

"My little one. He loves you, so he's trying to be you, the way you are with him. Hard and yelling and unhappy. He's you, and he doesn't love me."

Martin flew at him and tried to beat the shit out of him.

Ramon blinks at him.

...what?

This makes no sense. How can Martin love him? He certainly doesn't love the boy and...no. This is ludicrous.

He reaches a hand up and gently takes Random's chin, turning his face towards the dim light of the lamp so he can see the damage more clearly. His face darkens at the evidence and he drops his hand, lifting his cigar instead to take a long, introspective, drag.

'He doesn't love me.'

He doesn't want him to.

'He's failed if he's trying to be me. I would never hit you.

...where is he?'

"Yes, he does. You're his pai and all he wants in the world is for you to love him and not yell at him."

Collapsing into Ramon's arms.

"He's trying to become you. He'd never hurt anyone before I did this, and then he hit Mary Anne and almost killed her. He got like you do, so unbelievably angry, all burning up and just came at me."

And hit him more than once, from the looks of things.

"I did this to him, and he's gone. He left us, I told you, remember? He's gone." Hasn't heard the news yet. "He's being you, except burningly angry at me too. He doesn't owe me anything. I've never done anything for him but hurt him."

So it's my fault he nearly killed her? And hit you?

...well, the boy's got something about him after all. But not to hurt you. I'll kill him for that, the little fucker.

He's silent for a moment, folding Random into his arms and guiding him to the sofa so they can sit down. He offers his whiskey to him because it looks like he needs it.

'He won't go anywhere. He won't leave you. He does love you.'

Has to. It'll hurt Random too much for himnot so, so he will.

'I don't yell at him that much.'

Ignoring isn't yelling, right? As Ramon relaxes back into the cushions with his arms still around Random, he finds that the knot of tension since their conversation through the tarot cards is dissapating, spreading out through his muscles and vanishing. This isn't as bad as he'd feared. It's just Martin, doing what he always does.

It's so much worse.

Random is hiding his face in Ramon's shoulder now, and trying not to sob in despair. He can feel it sinking through him like cement.

Ramon doesn't think anything is wrong.

There's no way to fix any of it.

"He's gone."

A hand gently cups the back of Random's head, as one might soothe a child. It's almost patronising in its care - it's alright to cry. Things will be better tomorrow. Don't worry about it. That's what it says, silently.

'He'll be back.'

"No, he won't."

The first sob tears out, strangled and choked.

"I've killed him."

'...what?'

Ramon freezes, his hand stilled by shock. For a moment he thinks Random is talking literally, that he's murdered the boy. Then logic takes over when he remembers that he'd never do such a thing...but then, they're both Amberites. Kill or be killed, and Martin had attacked him. Random has said he's gone.

He's confused but one thing is becoming clear - this may be a little more serious that he had first thought.

'What do you mean?'

"His old being is becoming erased."

Another bitter sob.

"He thinks he's dying. He's right. He's turning into what hurt me."

The tears are taking him over, now, he can't think or breathe.

'What? Wait...what?'

More confusion. This seems a little tangled.

'You said he was becoming like me. I haven't hurt you like that, have I?'

Have I?

'I don't understand what you're saying. But please don't cry, we can fix it, whatever it is.'

"If you didn't love me," he clarifies. Except it isn't clear at all, it's garbled and upset and he can't think. Can't speak.

There's no fixing this.

"And now he's gone, and he'll never believe I'm sorry."

Ramon muses in silence for a moment. He doesn't try to make himself care that Martin's leaving because he knows he doesn't, and won't. Equally, he knows that Random does. And Random's always been the priority.

'Is it that important to you that he stays? You've still got the child. He's on the other side of that wall right now, asleep. He'll grow up loving you like he does now and the older version won't even remember all this when the boy is grown up.'

That much seems clear to him. Simple.

'And you've still got me. You'll always have me.'

He lifts Random's left hand carefully and kisses the finger holding the wedding band. The one with the words until the end inscribed inside, in three languages. He idly wonders if he's taken it off long enough to see that yet.

'It'll be alright, Random. I promise.'

There is no consolation for this sort of grief, only time. His face pressed against Ramon's shoulder, body shaking from the strain of it.

"Get me where we won't wake him?"

He needs to cry in earnest.

'Yeah.'

This is serious. Usually reminding him that they have each other makes Random smile. Ramon frowns a little but doesn't say anything, just stands and helps him up, leads him to the bedroom.

'Has he already left the bar?'

Random nods, weakly, and slips into the bed when he sees it, still dressed and shaking.

I'm sorry, love

"I'm cold."

Ramon bites his lip, thinking. Maybe it isn't too late. The kid could have been held up or something, right? Need time to pack?

...but Random's here, and cold and shaky, and that's his priority right now. So he pulls his clothes off and slides ino bed beside him, wrapping him up in his arms and the quilt, trying to warm him up.

'Better? You'd be warmer if you took your clothes off.'

He's wondering if there might be something more useful he can do.

'You want something to help you sleep, baby?'

"Drugs aren't really good for me."

His teeth don't quite chatter. Shirt shrugged off his shoulder, he sags back into Ramon's arms and lets him do the rest if he likes.

He does, carefully, laying Random down and unfastening his jeans, pulling them off easily. The rest can stay and he lies down next to him again, leaning on an elbow and looking down at his face.

'Nothing that'll make you see things. Just a valium. It'll relax you and I think you need it.'

"Still not a good idea."

Amberites react strangely to a lot of things, and right now he just wants to lie still and breathe.

A tear or two sneaks out.

'OK.'

He won't push it. He just wipes the tears away with a gentle brush of his thumb, and asks quietly,

'Where did all this come from? Or don't you want to talk about it?'

"A little while ago I promised him you'd stay away. That I'd keep you away."

He closes his eyes, because it doesn't matter now.

"Because you made him too angry and apparently, I couldn't do it. Something with a five dollar bill, got his hackles up and it was one too many promises broken on my part."

...and that changes everything. Ramon stops looking at Random as though he's an crying child that needs to be held until the nightmare goes away, and starts looking more like someone who's just realised that they're the cause of this pain.

'...oh.'

He doesn't know exactly what he should say to that. Well, that's not quite true. He knows what he should say. But it's...complicated.

"I'm so sorry."

He's talking to Martin, who he knows can't hear him, but he needs to say it anyways, and hides his face in the pillows.

He's talking to Ramon, who can, and shouldn't have been put in this situation, who shouldn't have to watch who he is and what he does because Random screwed up his own kid so badly.

Ramon closes his eyes and exhales slowly, before laying a hand on Random's shoulder.

'Don't say that.'

I threw five bucks at him because that's all he's worth to me.

He pulls him into a proper embrace, wishing that he felt something good towards Martin, if only to make Random happy.

'You've done nothing wrong. I should have just stayed away from him.'

"I promised him you would."

Tears seep through the fabric of Ramon's shirt, and Random can't breathe.

"It's too late.

It's over."

'Then it's my fault, not yours.'

And it is. He knows it, Random should too.

'I'm sorry, baby.'

It sounds like a useless thing to say. He lays a kiss on the top of his head and strokes through his hair, his mind already made up.

'Maybe it's not too late. Will you be alright here on your own for a while?'

He nods, a little, and lets his fingers curl and clutch at the sheets.

Oh God.

'I won't be long. Promise I won't, and if you need me, use your card.'

He knows he should stay, that Random probably won't be alright on his own. But it'll be worse if he can't at least try to get Martin to change his mind.

'There's something I have to do. Try to sleep.'

He gets up quickly, before he can change his mind. He doesn't like leaving Random like this, so he turns away to pull some more clothes on. He'll be as quick as he can.

He won't sleep tonight.

Not for a long while yet, at least.

Just lie still, except for when he's crying, and try not to feel this alone.

Finally drifting off, into the blessed oblivion of sleep.

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OOM: Decisions

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