OOM: Business taken care of

[latino_menace]

He's well used to sitting at home and waiting for news on how business has gone. It's been that way for a long time. This is different though, because this is Random out there and getting his hands dirty and while he knows that the man is good, it's still a worry.

So he's sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of Scotch and impatient fingers tapping on the tabletop. He knows Mal did her bit and is fine. But what of Random?

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[latino_menace]

'All the good stuff,' he agrees quietly, once more touching his lips softly to each fingertip in turn, while he enjoys Random's weight, the warm and solidity of him, the quiet intimacy is having him this near.

'And if some things are bad, then we'll deal with them and keep on going. We can deal with anything. I'm not being without you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"We've practically dealt with everything anyways."

He kisses the shoulder he's lying on.

"I love you. So much, it's stopped scaring me."

[latino_menace]

'You're right. Can't be much more to throw at us, right?

He hopes. But even if there's more, he's confident they can handle it. And he kisses Random's palm again, so gently.

'I love you too. Can't even remember what it felt like to be scared of it, it's been so long since I was.'

He and Random just are now. He can hardly remember what it was like being a bachelor either.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure there are a few more hurdles. With my nose for trouble and your job."

Not the safest of lives, either of them.

"I remember you when you were indecisive. The first night we... really, really touched."

[latino_menace]

'Well. We'll be alright.'

He knows it. It doesn't occur to him that Random might have specifics in mind, he's just sure that whatever happens, they'll be OK.

'The first night we really, really touched? Which one was that?' He ries to remember. 'Wasn't that the night before I was going to leave, only...not.'

The night before Jack and Arithon, he means.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, then."

He shrugs, letting Ramon feel the motion, if not see it.

"I don't care what happened afterwards, or what you were thinking about. It was when I knew I was in love with you. I mean, really knew."

[latino_menace]

'I was thinking about you,' he says immediately. Because he was. Whatever else came after, when he'd been with him he hadn't hought of anything but him.

'First time I knew too.'

Murmured softly and with a gentle squeeze of his fingers.

'Though I'd enver had any experience of things like it before. I'm pretty damn sure it was then.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I remember when you told me you loved me. I was reading you war poetry, of all things."

He sighs, and rolls off him, just to pull him close, more comfortably.

"About flying."

[latino_menace]

He stretches an arm over him, lying close, wtching his face.

'And I was cursed and in pieces in that cell. You'd left and then came back - I still don't really know why - and..'

He trails off. He remembers it all so clearly, this part. He doesn't want to bore Random with it though, because surely he must know why it had been then that he'd said it.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Because living with what you'd done, knowing you were living it and understanding it, knowing that you wouldn't do it again, all of that."

He takes Ramon's hand in turn, and raises it to kiss his knuckles.

"It was hard. But it was bearable. And I couldn't breathe when I was living without you."

[latino_menace]

'All of that, si.'

He hesitates, then smiles a little.

'And then I was in a bad way and you came and talked to me about flying and took me out of there. For a minute. And I loved you for it.'

He shrugs, because Random had given him a moment of freedom that day, and that had been it.

And now, I can never breathe when you're gone.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I tried very hard to keep you well in there. You came so close to the edges. Used to call me screaming, I could hardly stand it."

He kisses him, because that's all gone away now.

"I wanted to do anything to get you out faster."

[latino_menace]

He looks a little embarrassed because there are some states that you just never want to be in again, and there are some that you don't even want to think of again. His time while cursed is mostly the latter.

'I was pretty selfish. Still am, I suppose. I never really thought about what it was like for you. I tries to get you to stay away but mainly because I didn't want you seeing me like that.'

He leans over to kiss him, then settles back.

'Sorry.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No, don't be."

He kisses him again. Because he looks like he needs to be kissed.

"You were hurting and afraid and still didn't know me very well, not the way we are. In unison."

[latino_menace]

And another kiss, because he does like it and talking like this reminds him of when he wasn't allowed to touch him for ages, and it was torture. And least he appreciates every time he's allowed to run his hands over him now. Hates it when he can't.

'Maybe. Still. Thanks for coming back. It would have been so much worse if...well, not the thing itself. I'd have killed myself. But afterwards - it wouldn't have been good if you weren't there waiting for me.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I was really, really afraid you were going to."

He confesses it with a small frown, and a duck of his head to Ramon's shoulder.

"That... I could have handled better. I tried to repress everything, so you wouldn't feel it, you know? And then after two months of that I snapped and freaked out and left. Pretty dumb."

[latino_menace]

'I wanted to.' It's not so hard to admit. If he hadn't promised Random he wouldn't, he would have.

His fingers tangle in Random's hair, as usual.

'Don't worry about it. Christ, you should never have been in that position in the first place. Should have just let me have it. I'd have deserved it for putting you through it.'

And he tries to make sure that Random never feels anything like it again. Doesn't always succeed, but tries.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No, you didn't."

He closes his eyes, and stifles a yawn, fighting back a fatigue he didn't think he'd feel.

"That's the thing. You deserved my part of it. Arithon's part of it. But then everything else, and at once? And then that CTU bitch? And the time I joked about Naraht and you said to throw the rock in the lake and practically started crying for trying to make me laugh?"

Yes, he still remembers that moment.

"That, you didn't."

[latino_menace]

He remembers too, that now that Random's brought it up again. About the rock. That had been...weird. As for Michelle - well, he'll never forget that night. Some amounts of pain stay with you.

'Maybe. At the time, I thought I deserved it.' Which was part of it, of course. Now...he doesn't think about it, so really doesn't know.

'It doesn't matter. It's done now.'

He looks at him closly and traces a fingers briefly over his bottom lip.

'You're tired. Sleep.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"You're beautiful. Kiss me goodnight?"

He smiles at him, eyes drifting closed.

"I'm glad. That we came through it. That I know even in your darkest moments, I can hold you. That you know that even when there's nothing else, there'll be me. I'm sorry you were hurt, but I'm glad I was there for you."

[latino_menace]

I'll always let you hold me. And always hold you. That's love, isn't it?

He kisses him, long and soft, deeper than usual for a goodnight kiss because they're together and he can.

'I'm glad you were there too. And if you ever need me like that - or for anything at all - I'll be there for you, alright? I love you.'

One last soft peck at his lips and then he settles back.

'Night baby.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I know."

And that, he thinks, is love.


"Night."

His eyes close for good.

[latino_menace]

He watches him quietly, for a long time. His mind is full of when he didn't have this, how close he was to losing it, how he could have been dead now if it weren't for Random.

Getting him was worth any amount of pain. He'd do it all again to keep him.

Only when his breathing is even and soft, does Ramon let himself close his eyes. Sometimes, it's nice to just watch and know you've got something that's never going away.