OOM: Awake

[latino_menace]

It's one of what my people refer to as the Unforgiveable Curses. The Cruciatus. No injuries, no wounds, just pain.

She was right. That's all it gave him, just pain. And for that, he's grateful. Pain can be dealt with, and forgotten - especially by someone like him. Someone who doesn't dwell on things like that because they'll never be afraid of physical abuse. He's taken a lot of hits in his life but as long as he gives more in return, he's OK with it. It's part of who he is. And he likes who he is. The Cruciatus curse isn't why he's awake right now.

Imperio! Now, just tell me who Random is and tell Mr. Bauer what you did to his granddaughter, and it will be over.

He doesn't know what the hell Imperio means, she hadn't explained it. He's going to find out, but that's not the point. He'd resisted most of it. Said enough, but not everything. So Bauer knew he'd taken Angela - big deal. He'd known that when it had happened, pretty much. And Ramon will take a beating over cell time any day of the week.

How long do you think you could last against that compulsion if I put it on you again and left it?

He'd resisted as much as he could. Told her Random's name, though she could have found that out from anyone. That's not the point. Sort of confessed to what he'd done to Angela - said enough anyway. But he hadn't talked about Random; and in the end, it didn't matter. Because she knew about him and

Even kill people they love...

she'd threatened him and this is the first time that anything he's done could actually lose him his lover. Even after the thing with Arithon, no one had had anything against Random apart from questioning his choice in partners. But this

If you ever even look at my family again in a manner that displeases me, your Random won't know what hit him. And it might not even be you. After all, I have a whole bar full of people to choose from.

is something else, and he can't bear the thought that Random might no longer be safe. Because how can either of them look out for any random stranger in a bar that might want to kill him? It's impossible.

And this is why Ramon is downstairs tonight, lying on the sofa in darkness and not wanting to go to bed. Because he hasn't told Random yet and doesn't even know where to begin.

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[latino_menace]

'No.'

He moves the hand because he's been cutting back on his medication in an effort to spend some time awake and lucid, but it means that things are a little oversensitive.

It also means he's feeling a little sorry for himself, which is why he buries his face in the crook of Random's neck and just rests there for a while.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

Random holds still, just breathin him in, still trying to keep most of his weight off him.

"Sweet thing, if there's anything wrong, you can tell me. You know I'll understand."

[latino_menace]

You might not say that if you knew.

He rests a minute longer, not really wanting to break the peace with this at all. But the only way for him to get it out of his head is to tell him, and hope that it works out.

'I didn't tell you everything she said to me. Or did. And I don't...'

His hands are running over Random's back, tracing every muscle and sinew, reminding himself that he's here and safe and if he can just keep it that way, everything will be alright.

'...I don't know. Don't know what to say about it.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"What?"

He freezes on top of him, and leans closer, kissing him suddenly, eyes wide with worry.

"What else? Are you hurt? Baby..."

[latino_menace]

'Not exactly.'

Ramon sighs and kisses him back, tryig to pull him closer against him.

'Relax,' he mutters quietly. 'You can lean on me, it's OK, I want you to.'

He just wants Random close and comfortable right about now, so he can have him in his arms while he tells him.

'Told you she threatened you, but not what she said. Or how she found out about you.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"It doesn't matter how she found out about me. Or how she made you think she found out about me."

He kisses his jaw, just once.

"I've french kissed Jack Bauer. He's not going to forget me. She was working with him so she'd know, no matter what she told you. Did they... torture" he hates the word "you for information, then?"

[latino_menace]

'Not really. She just used magic.'

He takes a breath and says,

'You know that when I do things, I always try to keep them away from you, right? For whatever reason. I never mean to involve you or get you hurt or anything. You know that, si? You have to know that I love you enough to try to keep you away from it all.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"You can't really do that, Ramon."

It's his turn to wind a hand through his hair.

"You're a person. Not a robot. Everything touches every part of you, and with such things as violence what you mean to happen and what does are never the same. I know you mean to, but are you really naive enough to think you can?"

[latino_menace]

'I'm used to being able to do whatever I want,' he mutters, as he reaches to pull Random's hand away. 'Ow, don't. Please. He bounced my head off the wall a good few times.'

The headache hasn't gone away sonce she first raised her wand to him and getting pistol-whipped on top of that is never fun. He suspects concussion but isn't going to admit it.

'I'm not a robot, no. But I do try and...shit, I failed with this one.' He pauses to take a shallow breath and hold Random a bit tighter.

'She put another spell on me, a different one. It made me want to answer questions - but i didn't, because I wasn't going to tell her about you. But I wasn't expecting it at first, so I did tell her your name.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Ramon. She's a PMSing bitch from a backwater shadow with a little magic stick that goes 'poof.' She doesn't know me, she doesn't know Amber, and she doesn't know that nothing she'll be able to do will hurt me. I want you to stop worrying."

He kisses him, more firmly this time, though still carefully, and something about the way he's holding on to Ramon changes from a clutch to--- keeping him safe. Against him.

They are lovers, after all.

"You are going to stop worryying about this. There's nothing she can do. We kept Martin out of the bar for exactly this reason, too."

[latino_menace]

'No, you don't understand.'

A few things. One of them being how scared Ramon is of this.

'When I was under that spell, it took everything not to tell her what she wanted to know. If she'd left it on, I don't know if I could have held it off much longer. And she said she could use it to make people do things as well.'

There's a pause, and he swallows.

'Like kill you. Like make me, kill you. Or anyone else in the bar. Someone neither of us know could walk up behind you with a gun and take you out. You wouldn't know a thing about it.'

He does clutch, and tightly.

'And I can't protect you against that. If it happens, it'll be my fault.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Baby."

Ramon's afraid. He'll reason with him later, but for now, Ramon's afraid, and needs to be held and whispered to.

"Baby, it's alright. I'm old. I never go there, hardly ever any more anyways. I promise, I won't let it happen. If it would make you feel better, I'm going to talk to some sorcerors about a charm keeping you safe from compulsions. I don't want you to worry. She can't make you do anything.

What I do want you to do is stay out of the bar until you're healed, and even then, you're taking me to Argentina, remember? Please, don't be worried about this."

[latino_menace]

Ramon crumples a little in his arms, tired and aching and finding it hard to believe that Random isn't angry about this. It worries him that he's so blase about it too, because he can't stand the notion that he might not take it seriously and then get punished for that.

'I have to go back once, for a thing of Arithon's. Apart from that - I'll try. But I don't want you going there either Random, not at the moment. I know you shouldn't have to worry about it and that's my fault too and I'm sorry, but you have to be a bit careful now because I can't lose you to some vindictive bitch that hates me. I can't.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I will go back once. I need to see the woman. I need to see Fiona too, I have some questions for her about the magic in all this, and she's the best sorceress I know."

He touches the side of Ramon's face, and stars at him solemnly.

"But after that, I swear, I'll stay out. You won't lose me to her, though, Ramon, there isn't a thing in that place that could pull me away from you. Not your world, not my family, not a single thing.
In a way, I'm sorry lover, but I'm glad you're saying this. Because it's why I was angry. I can't lose you to some vindictive bitch either, or some highstrung cocksucking bastard of a glorified cop."

He kisses him again.

"You're worth more than that.
You know, it's only a couple of months there till it's been a year for us there. Well over that here. I never imagined, you know? Not once."

[latino_menace]

'No, don't go and see her. Please. I don't want her knowing what you look like.'

He wants her to have no advantage at all, and knowing what Random looks like is certainly a headstart for her.

'I mean, I know she's not about to randomly attack. It's only if I do something to her family but I don't even know who the fuck her husband is, could be anyone. You know?'

He rubs at his head but does return every one of Random's kisses, trying to get and give reassurance in equal measure. And then he just holds him, trying to twine their legs and keep him close at the same time.

'A year. Over a year.

...no, I never imagined either.'

Fucking miracle.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"In the morning, if your head's still bothering, I'm driving you to the hospital."

Just in case it's something serious, because he'd never forgive himself for assuming it was nothing if it was.

"And you know I can't do that, Ramon. Think about yourself in the same position. Besides. You aren't going to do anything else to her family. So I'm safe."

He lays his head down on Ramon's chest, and takes another deep breath.

"Do not worry about me. My dance card's booked for the next little while, I'm not going anywhere."

[latino_menace]

'Not supposed to be here, remember?'

There'll be no hospital, but he thinks it's nice that Random would try. And he wraps his arms round him and keeps him close, loving the solidity of him pressed against him.

'Won't go near her family. I'm not risking it them going near you.'

If it was just a case of them threatening him, he'd be back there now, taunting them with a smile on his face. But not when it's Random that'll be targeted.

'You win.'

And it doesn't even hurt to say, not really.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No, baby."

He immediately straightens, leans up, kisses him. Not a little desperation there, suddenly, at Ramon's last words.

"Lover, don't say that. I don't want to win against you. Not like this. You'll never be able to love me for half a century if I'm winning everything. I love you. We can get you into the hospital with fake ID or enough cash, either or, I don't care, but I love you either way and I'm looking after you, not beating you. Promise?"

[latino_menace]

He smiles though it may not be seen in the darkness and pulls Random to kiss him again, and again.

'I didn't mean about the hospital. I meant about letting the fight with the woman go. It's what you wanted months ago, so it is kind of you winning. But I got what I wanted so it's OK. I don't mind.'

He strokes down his face once, then kisses him again.

'I don't need to see anyone. It's probably a concussion because he hit me with my gun and slammed me into the wall a few times. I know what to do about that, I don't need to mess with doctors. Don't worry.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"And that's what I meant to. Oh God."

Random doesn't do panic attacks like this very often any more, but feels he's rather entitled, pulling away slightly to hide his face in Ramon's shoulder and try to steady himself.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't pushed you'd have done it your way and not been..."

[latino_menace]

'No. No, it's alright. Sshh, don't.'

He cradles his head for a moment, before tryig to pull it up gently to kiss him again.

'You don't have anything to apologise for. It was all my choice, and it's fine. Don't worry.'

One more kiss and then he's pulling him close again.

'It's over. Forget about it.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I hate it when you're hurt."

He kisses him in return, then leans in, pressing against him as gently as possible, but still needing to be close to him right now.

"I fell in love with you the way you are, Ramon. No matter how hard these things might be, I don't want you to change into anyone else. Promise you won't? No matter how much the bad stuff happens?"

[latino_menace]

Ramon looks at him, somewhat confused. Well, very confused actually.

'Random...' How to word this?

'...I tried to change and I can't. But if I stay the same, I'll probably end up getting hurt again. I don't care about that but you need to know that it'll happen. And the only thing that matters about the things I do is that you don't suffer for them. You could, for this one - but I won't let it happen.'

He lays his head back on a cushion and breathes out carefully.

'I thought you did want me to change, when we talked about this months ago. I was angry about it.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Forgive me" he breathes into Ramon's chest.

"Please, lover, I was hurt and afraid and didn't think. Please forgive me. I'll always get like this when bad things happen. Then you just have to wait for me to start breathing again and ask me if I mean it."

He doesn't. Would never.

"Can we settle on a deal? You tell me when something's happening, and don't go out of your way to start trouble in the bar- though God knows we'll have fun in Texorami- and I won't... what won't I do? What do you want me to stop? I won't ask you not to? I'll... not go out of my way to get into fights with my brothers unless I can't help it? I don't do family grudges very much anyways, not compared to some. They're too dangerous."

[latino_menace]

He stills and one hand drops away from Random as he looks at him.

'I thought you meant it.'

Three months I spent trying to change because I thought you wanted me to.

He runs a hand through his hair, being mindful not to aggravate any bumps, aware of how tired his body feels suddenly, if not his mind.

'I'll tell you if something's happening, I usually do anyway. And I won't look for trouble in the bar but you can't complain if I take my boredom out on things in Texorami then. But it doesn't count for Bauer.'

Jack is something he'll never be able to be rational over. Not with someone who came that close to destroying him.

'And I don't want you to stop anything. You have to do what you have to do with your family, I'm not going to interfere.'

Beat.

'Unles Julian hits you again. Then I'll murder the bastard.'