OOM: Awake

[latino_menace]

It's one of what my people refer to as the Unforgiveable Curses. The Cruciatus. No injuries, no wounds, just pain.

She was right. That's all it gave him, just pain. And for that, he's grateful. Pain can be dealt with, and forgotten - especially by someone like him. Someone who doesn't dwell on things like that because they'll never be afraid of physical abuse. He's taken a lot of hits in his life but as long as he gives more in return, he's OK with it. It's part of who he is. And he likes who he is. The Cruciatus curse isn't why he's awake right now.

Imperio! Now, just tell me who Random is and tell Mr. Bauer what you did to his granddaughter, and it will be over.

He doesn't know what the hell Imperio means, she hadn't explained it. He's going to find out, but that's not the point. He'd resisted most of it. Said enough, but not everything. So Bauer knew he'd taken Angela - big deal. He'd known that when it had happened, pretty much. And Ramon will take a beating over cell time any day of the week.

How long do you think you could last against that compulsion if I put it on you again and left it?

He'd resisted as much as he could. Told her Random's name, though she could have found that out from anyone. That's not the point. Sort of confessed to what he'd done to Angela - said enough anyway. But he hadn't talked about Random; and in the end, it didn't matter. Because she knew about him and

Even kill people they love...

she'd threatened him and this is the first time that anything he's done could actually lose him his lover. Even after the thing with Arithon, no one had had anything against Random apart from questioning his choice in partners. But this

If you ever even look at my family again in a manner that displeases me, your Random won't know what hit him. And it might not even be you. After all, I have a whole bar full of people to choose from.

is something else, and he can't bear the thought that Random might no longer be safe. Because how can either of them look out for any random stranger in a bar that might want to kill him? It's impossible.

And this is why Ramon is downstairs tonight, lying on the sofa in darkness and not wanting to go to bed. Because he hasn't told Random yet and doesn't even know where to begin.

Comments

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I hate it when you're hurt."

He kisses him in return, then leans in, pressing against him as gently as possible, but still needing to be close to him right now.

"I fell in love with you the way you are, Ramon. No matter how hard these things might be, I don't want you to change into anyone else. Promise you won't? No matter how much the bad stuff happens?"

[latino_menace]

Ramon looks at him, somewhat confused. Well, very confused actually.

'Random...' How to word this?

'...I tried to change and I can't. But if I stay the same, I'll probably end up getting hurt again. I don't care about that but you need to know that it'll happen. And the only thing that matters about the things I do is that you don't suffer for them. You could, for this one - but I won't let it happen.'

He lays his head back on a cushion and breathes out carefully.

'I thought you did want me to change, when we talked about this months ago. I was angry about it.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Forgive me" he breathes into Ramon's chest.

"Please, lover, I was hurt and afraid and didn't think. Please forgive me. I'll always get like this when bad things happen. Then you just have to wait for me to start breathing again and ask me if I mean it."

He doesn't. Would never.

"Can we settle on a deal? You tell me when something's happening, and don't go out of your way to start trouble in the bar- though God knows we'll have fun in Texorami- and I won't... what won't I do? What do you want me to stop? I won't ask you not to? I'll... not go out of my way to get into fights with my brothers unless I can't help it? I don't do family grudges very much anyways, not compared to some. They're too dangerous."

[latino_menace]

He stills and one hand drops away from Random as he looks at him.

'I thought you meant it.'

Three months I spent trying to change because I thought you wanted me to.

He runs a hand through his hair, being mindful not to aggravate any bumps, aware of how tired his body feels suddenly, if not his mind.

'I'll tell you if something's happening, I usually do anyway. And I won't look for trouble in the bar but you can't complain if I take my boredom out on things in Texorami then. But it doesn't count for Bauer.'

Jack is something he'll never be able to be rational over. Not with someone who came that close to destroying him.

'And I don't want you to stop anything. You have to do what you have to do with your family, I'm not going to interfere.'

Beat.

'Unles Julian hits you again. Then I'll murder the bastard.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"No. I might mean it when I say it, but when I've stopped shaking and you're not bleeding any more it's different. I just don't want what happened with Arithon to happen again. Because that very nearly killed you and very nearly killed me and I left you, remember? Because I got stressed out and tired and couldn't understand why you wouldn't be able to put your pride aside for me after we'd been through so much."

All this is mumbled into Ramon's shirt.

"I'm stupid when I'm worried. But I love you, okay? And if you need to be irrational I'll understand. I'll cry if they take you away, but I'll understand. And I haven't really said this yet but thank you so much for not getting put in the cells. It does make a difference, you know that?"

No matter if he doesn't say it.

"As for my family, it'd be good if you'd interfere. I should tell you about Corwin and Eric sometime. But that's a cruelty for another day. Don't want to go into it now."

[latino_menace]

The hand that had fallen comes up again and buries itself in the hair he loves.

'What happened with Arithon was...an accident. Just the wrong place at the wrong time. It'll never happen again like that - and if I plan something, I'll tell you like I said.'

He doesn't know what to say about pride and not putting it aside because to him, it's like asking someone to chop their right arm off, lay it aside and then pick it up later. It's just not that easy to distance himself from. So in the end he says nothing, just stares at the ceiling.

'You're not stupid. You get overwrought sometimes but so do I, it's not a big deal.'

He looks down at him then, tipping his chin up so he can look at his face.

'I don't want you to cry, ever. So I'll try and make sure you don't have to.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I love you."

He smiles at him, weakly.

Because so long as he'll try, then everything will be alright. Everything.

"Only you would call 'neurotic paranoia' something like 'overwrought.' I love you."

[latino_menace]

He laughs at that and tugs Random up so he can kiss him.

'Love you as well. I don't care how wound up you get about things, I like that in you. Though I'll try not to give you reasons myself for you getting like that.'

The grin dies away and he strokes down hs cheek for a moment.

'Promise me you'll be careful in the bar from now on. Don't leave your back open and be on the lookout. I know you know this shit but it makes me feel better to tell you. Be careful.'

Another kiss.

'I'm sorry you have to be because of me. But I'm not losing you to her, so please keep your eyes open.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

“Ramon.”

He nuzzles the nearest piece of him, just gently.

“It’s her, Julian, Bauer, half of CTU, the Forsaken, Satan, Melkor, my father’s shadow, Corwin occasionally, Raven when he’s in a pissed mood, Dworkin, Loki, Asandir because while I like the man I don’t entirely trust him, and a whole boat load of other ones too. I’m always careful when I got to Milliways. There’s nothing some bimbonic little witch is going to manage that they haven’t.”

[latino_menace]

She can choose a random human and make them do it. She can.

He doesn't argue it. He's tired and it's pointless. He can't force Random to take it seriously.

'For me,' he says quietly. 'Just humour me, OK?'

He thinks that the difference with her is that she will actively seek him out, whereas the others are general threats to anyone who might conceivably piss them off. But he doesn't want to argue about it.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

“Ramon” he says again, with a small smile.

“I’m listening. I’m trying to make you not worry because I love you and you shouldn’t have to worry, but I solemnly swear, by my jaguar tooth, that I will be careful when I go into the bar and on the look out for any people with spells on them or behaving irrationally, just in case I can’t see the magic, alright? I swear it. Now please, stop worrying.”

[latino_menace]

Ramon smiles and wraps his arms around him tightly, holding him close so he can kiss him.

'Thank you. Just don't want you hurt and especially not because of me.'

There's another kiss and then he relaxes back into the sofa cushions, feeling a bit better about the whole thing.

'You took this better than I thought you would.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Because I was really going to blame you for something you revealed while being tortured and put under a magical compulsion. So unreasonable of you, Ramon, I'm very, very mad."

He kisses him softly.

"There were kind of extenuating circumstances, baby. I doubt anyone could have done any better."

[latino_menace]

'Only told her your name,' he mutters quietly. He still wishes he hadn't but just couldn't help it.

'It was what I did that put you in danger. Can't change it now, I can only try and look after you. So...let me, please? It'll make me feel better.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Ramon, it scares me much more when you're in danger. I'd rather me than you any day, I've got a better chance of taking a bullet and surviving it."

He shakes his head, gently.

"I don't die so easy. But I'd like it very much if you'd take care of it in the mean time."

[latino_menace]

He sighs and twines a leg with Random's, kissing him on the forehead lightly.

'And I'd prefer that it was me. We're not going to agree on this, I suppose - just be careful. And I'll be careful and then hopefully we'll actually make it a few more years together, OK?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I think there's something about wanting to take bullets for each other. We just need to find some non-fatal way to work that out of our systems."

He sighs, happily, because it's nice to be loved.

"I'm old fashioned, I'd do poetry if you like?"

[latino_menace]

He laughs and starts stroking through hair again.

'I don't appreciate poetry all that much I'm afraid. You married a cultural neanderthal. We'll have to think of something else.'

He pauses and then says quietly,

'I would take a bullet for you.'

Because he loves him. Also because he wouldn't want to be the one left behind, but he doesn't think on that enough to articulate. It's just a gut instinct, knowing that he couldn't bear to be without Random now.

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"And I one for you."

Whereas knowing he will be left without Ramon is something he wrestles with and occasionally has the most horrifying of vivid nightmares about, it's a truth Random hopes he'll come to terms with one day. Only it's harder and harder to imagine, every minute they spend together.

"And then bitch and make you bring me soup and chocolate in bed."

His tone has a bit of forced levity to it.

[latino_menace]

Ramon snickers and tugs on Random's ear a little, in a teasing way.

'What would you do, ring a bell for me to come and wait on you? You'd drive me crazy. Not that you don't anyway.'

He pretends to think on that.

'Although mostly in different ways, I have to admit.'

Knowing that Random will be left behind - well, he's thought about it before. Which is why he does his best not to think about it now, because it's an unbearable thought.

The fingers at his ear trace down his jaw and come to rest near his chin, tapping lightly.

'You OK?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Mmmmm."

A noncommital sound, because the future is preying heavily upon his imagineation right now, so he tucks himself closer to Ramon to make it alright again.

"You were just as bad when I popped your cherry."

[latino_menace]

He frowns as he holds his head close to him, twining their legs closer.

'What's the matter?'

And there's a gentle poke to his side.

'Just as bad as what? Bastard. You're not going to let me forget that, are you?'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"Getting lost in tomorrow. It's alright, you've rescued me now."

He kisses the nearest bit of him.

"Don't squirm, Ramon, and stop poking, I'm trying to relax on you. You're a terrible mattress.

And no. You're not going to forget that. Ever. Ever."

[latino_menace]

Ramon laughs and kisses his head.

'I hurt too much to squirm so stop exaggerating - and you've never complained about relaxing on me before. Of course, we'd probably be more comfortable if we just went to bed.'

He doesn't move though, because he's comfortable, even if Random isn't. He says quietly,

'Don't think about tomorrow - any of them. Not iportant at the moment.'

[underwater-owl.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine."

He closes his eyes, and rests gingerly against him.

"If you are. Poke me when you start getting stiff, alright? But I want a rest, and I think you should too."