latino_menace | OOM: Awake

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OOM: Awake

It's one of what my people refer to as the Unforgiveable Curses. The Cruciatus. No injuries, no wounds, just pain.

She was right. That's all it gave him, just pain. And for that, he's grateful. Pain can be dealt with, and forgotten - especially by someone like him. Someone who doesn't dwell on things like that because they'll never be afraid of physical abuse. He's taken a lot of hits in his life but as long as he gives more in return, he's OK with it. It's part of who he is. And he likes who he is. The Cruciatus curse isn't why he's awake right now.

Imperio! Now, just tell me who Random is and tell Mr. Bauer what you did to his granddaughter, and it will be over.

He doesn't know what the hell Imperio means, she hadn't explained it. He's going to find out, but that's not the point. He'd resisted most of it. Said enough, but not everything. So Bauer knew he'd taken Angela - big deal. He'd known that when it had happened, pretty much. And Ramon will take a beating over cell time any day of the week.

How long do you think you could last against that compulsion if I put it on you again and left it?

He'd resisted as much as he could. Told her Random's name, though she could have found that out from anyone. That's not the point. Sort of confessed to what he'd done to Angela - said enough anyway. But he hadn't talked about Random; and in the end, it didn't matter. Because she knew about him and

Even kill people they love...

she'd threatened him and this is the first time that anything he's done could actually lose him his lover. Even after the thing with Arithon, no one had had anything against Random apart from questioning his choice in partners. But this

If you ever even look at my family again in a manner that displeases me, your Random won't know what hit him. And it might not even be you. After all, I have a whole bar full of people to choose from.

is something else, and he can't bear the thought that Random might no longer be safe. Because how can either of them look out for any random stranger in a bar that might want to kill him? It's impossible.

And this is why Ramon is downstairs tonight, lying on the sofa in darkness and not wanting to go to bed. Because he hasn't told Random yet and doesn't even know where to begin.

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Ramon crumples a little in his arms, tired and aching and finding it hard to believe that Random isn't angry about this. It worries him that he's so blase about it too, because he can't stand the notion that he might not take it seriously and then get punished for that.

'I have to go back once, for a thing of Arithon's. Apart from that - I'll try. But I don't want you going there either Random, not at the moment. I know you shouldn't have to worry about it and that's my fault too and I'm sorry, but you have to be a bit careful now because I can't lose you to some vindictive bitch that hates me. I can't.'

"I will go back once. I need to see the woman. I need to see Fiona too, I have some questions for her about the magic in all this, and she's the best sorceress I know."

He touches the side of Ramon's face, and stars at him solemnly.

"But after that, I swear, I'll stay out. You won't lose me to her, though, Ramon, there isn't a thing in that place that could pull me away from you. Not your world, not my family, not a single thing.
In a way, I'm sorry lover, but I'm glad you're saying this. Because it's why I was angry. I can't lose you to some vindictive bitch either, or some highstrung cocksucking bastard of a glorified cop."

He kisses him again.

"You're worth more than that.
You know, it's only a couple of months there till it's been a year for us there. Well over that here. I never imagined, you know? Not once."

'No, don't go and see her. Please. I don't want her knowing what you look like.'

He wants her to have no advantage at all, and knowing what Random looks like is certainly a headstart for her.

'I mean, I know she's not about to randomly attack. It's only if I do something to her family but I don't even know who the fuck her husband is, could be anyone. You know?'

He rubs at his head but does return every one of Random's kisses, trying to get and give reassurance in equal measure. And then he just holds him, trying to twine their legs and keep him close at the same time.

'A year. Over a year.

...no, I never imagined either.'

Fucking miracle.

"In the morning, if your head's still bothering, I'm driving you to the hospital."

Just in case it's something serious, because he'd never forgive himself for assuming it was nothing if it was.

"And you know I can't do that, Ramon. Think about yourself in the same position. Besides. You aren't going to do anything else to her family. So I'm safe."

He lays his head down on Ramon's chest, and takes another deep breath.

"Do not worry about me. My dance card's booked for the next little while, I'm not going anywhere."

'Not supposed to be here, remember?'

There'll be no hospital, but he thinks it's nice that Random would try. And he wraps his arms round him and keeps him close, loving the solidity of him pressed against him.

'Won't go near her family. I'm not risking it them going near you.'

If it was just a case of them threatening him, he'd be back there now, taunting them with a smile on his face. But not when it's Random that'll be targeted.

'You win.'

And it doesn't even hurt to say, not really.

"No, baby."

He immediately straightens, leans up, kisses him. Not a little desperation there, suddenly, at Ramon's last words.

"Lover, don't say that. I don't want to win against you. Not like this. You'll never be able to love me for half a century if I'm winning everything. I love you. We can get you into the hospital with fake ID or enough cash, either or, I don't care, but I love you either way and I'm looking after you, not beating you. Promise?"

He smiles though it may not be seen in the darkness and pulls Random to kiss him again, and again.

'I didn't mean about the hospital. I meant about letting the fight with the woman go. It's what you wanted months ago, so it is kind of you winning. But I got what I wanted so it's OK. I don't mind.'

He strokes down his face once, then kisses him again.

'I don't need to see anyone. It's probably a concussion because he hit me with my gun and slammed me into the wall a few times. I know what to do about that, I don't need to mess with doctors. Don't worry.'

"And that's what I meant to. Oh God."

Random doesn't do panic attacks like this very often any more, but feels he's rather entitled, pulling away slightly to hide his face in Ramon's shoulder and try to steady himself.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't pushed you'd have done it your way and not been..."

'No. No, it's alright. Sshh, don't.'

He cradles his head for a moment, before tryig to pull it up gently to kiss him again.

'You don't have anything to apologise for. It was all my choice, and it's fine. Don't worry.'

One more kiss and then he's pulling him close again.

'It's over. Forget about it.'

"I hate it when you're hurt."

He kisses him in return, then leans in, pressing against him as gently as possible, but still needing to be close to him right now.

"I fell in love with you the way you are, Ramon. No matter how hard these things might be, I don't want you to change into anyone else. Promise you won't? No matter how much the bad stuff happens?"

Ramon looks at him, somewhat confused. Well, very confused actually.

'Random...' How to word this?

'...I tried to change and I can't. But if I stay the same, I'll probably end up getting hurt again. I don't care about that but you need to know that it'll happen. And the only thing that matters about the things I do is that you don't suffer for them. You could, for this one - but I won't let it happen.'

He lays his head back on a cushion and breathes out carefully.

'I thought you did want me to change, when we talked about this months ago. I was angry about it.'

"Forgive me" he breathes into Ramon's chest.

"Please, lover, I was hurt and afraid and didn't think. Please forgive me. I'll always get like this when bad things happen. Then you just have to wait for me to start breathing again and ask me if I mean it."

He doesn't. Would never.

"Can we settle on a deal? You tell me when something's happening, and don't go out of your way to start trouble in the bar- though God knows we'll have fun in Texorami- and I won't... what won't I do? What do you want me to stop? I won't ask you not to? I'll... not go out of my way to get into fights with my brothers unless I can't help it? I don't do family grudges very much anyways, not compared to some. They're too dangerous."

He stills and one hand drops away from Random as he looks at him.

'I thought you meant it.'

Three months I spent trying to change because I thought you wanted me to.

He runs a hand through his hair, being mindful not to aggravate any bumps, aware of how tired his body feels suddenly, if not his mind.

'I'll tell you if something's happening, I usually do anyway. And I won't look for trouble in the bar but you can't complain if I take my boredom out on things in Texorami then. But it doesn't count for Bauer.'

Jack is something he'll never be able to be rational over. Not with someone who came that close to destroying him.

'And I don't want you to stop anything. You have to do what you have to do with your family, I'm not going to interfere.'

Beat.

'Unles Julian hits you again. Then I'll murder the bastard.'

"No. I might mean it when I say it, but when I've stopped shaking and you're not bleeding any more it's different. I just don't want what happened with Arithon to happen again. Because that very nearly killed you and very nearly killed me and I left you, remember? Because I got stressed out and tired and couldn't understand why you wouldn't be able to put your pride aside for me after we'd been through so much."

All this is mumbled into Ramon's shirt.

"I'm stupid when I'm worried. But I love you, okay? And if you need to be irrational I'll understand. I'll cry if they take you away, but I'll understand. And I haven't really said this yet but thank you so much for not getting put in the cells. It does make a difference, you know that?"

No matter if he doesn't say it.

"As for my family, it'd be good if you'd interfere. I should tell you about Corwin and Eric sometime. But that's a cruelty for another day. Don't want to go into it now."

The hand that had fallen comes up again and buries itself in the hair he loves.

'What happened with Arithon was...an accident. Just the wrong place at the wrong time. It'll never happen again like that - and if I plan something, I'll tell you like I said.'

He doesn't know what to say about pride and not putting it aside because to him, it's like asking someone to chop their right arm off, lay it aside and then pick it up later. It's just not that easy to distance himself from. So in the end he says nothing, just stares at the ceiling.

'You're not stupid. You get overwrought sometimes but so do I, it's not a big deal.'

He looks down at him then, tipping his chin up so he can look at his face.

'I don't want you to cry, ever. So I'll try and make sure you don't have to.'

"I love you."

He smiles at him, weakly.

Because so long as he'll try, then everything will be alright. Everything.

"Only you would call 'neurotic paranoia' something like 'overwrought.' I love you."

He laughs at that and tugs Random up so he can kiss him.

'Love you as well. I don't care how wound up you get about things, I like that in you. Though I'll try not to give you reasons myself for you getting like that.'

The grin dies away and he strokes down hs cheek for a moment.

'Promise me you'll be careful in the bar from now on. Don't leave your back open and be on the lookout. I know you know this shit but it makes me feel better to tell you. Be careful.'

Another kiss.

'I'm sorry you have to be because of me. But I'm not losing you to her, so please keep your eyes open.'

“Ramon.”

He nuzzles the nearest piece of him, just gently.

“It’s her, Julian, Bauer, half of CTU, the Forsaken, Satan, Melkor, my father’s shadow, Corwin occasionally, Raven when he’s in a pissed mood, Dworkin, Loki, Asandir because while I like the man I don’t entirely trust him, and a whole boat load of other ones too. I’m always careful when I got to Milliways. There’s nothing some bimbonic little witch is going to manage that they haven’t.”

She can choose a random human and make them do it. She can.

He doesn't argue it. He's tired and it's pointless. He can't force Random to take it seriously.

'For me,' he says quietly. 'Just humour me, OK?'

He thinks that the difference with her is that she will actively seek him out, whereas the others are general threats to anyone who might conceivably piss them off. But he doesn't want to argue about it.

“Ramon” he says again, with a small smile.

“I’m listening. I’m trying to make you not worry because I love you and you shouldn’t have to worry, but I solemnly swear, by my jaguar tooth, that I will be careful when I go into the bar and on the look out for any people with spells on them or behaving irrationally, just in case I can’t see the magic, alright? I swear it. Now please, stop worrying.”

Ramon smiles and wraps his arms around him tightly, holding him close so he can kiss him.

'Thank you. Just don't want you hurt and especially not because of me.'

There's another kiss and then he relaxes back into the sofa cushions, feeling a bit better about the whole thing.

'You took this better than I thought you would.'

"Because I was really going to blame you for something you revealed while being tortured and put under a magical compulsion. So unreasonable of you, Ramon, I'm very, very mad."

He kisses him softly.

"There were kind of extenuating circumstances, baby. I doubt anyone could have done any better."

'Only told her your name,' he mutters quietly. He still wishes he hadn't but just couldn't help it.

'It was what I did that put you in danger. Can't change it now, I can only try and look after you. So...let me, please? It'll make me feel better.'

"Ramon, it scares me much more when you're in danger. I'd rather me than you any day, I've got a better chance of taking a bullet and surviving it."

He shakes his head, gently.

"I don't die so easy. But I'd like it very much if you'd take care of it in the mean time."

He sighs and twines a leg with Random's, kissing him on the forehead lightly.

'And I'd prefer that it was me. We're not going to agree on this, I suppose - just be careful. And I'll be careful and then hopefully we'll actually make it a few more years together, OK?'

OOM: Awake

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