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Aug. 1st, 2005 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
latino_menace Millitimed to the morning after this conversation, where nothing got discussed, subjects were avoided, drunkeness failed to happen - but it ended in sex anyway, so that's OK. But now Ramon's alone in his room, Random having taken off, presumably to go and move his belongings into the room he's getting.
He was awake before Random he thinks, but isn't entirely sure that the other man had slept that well either. He'd turned away from him after he'd gone to sleep and refused to look at him until after he'd woken up from his real-or-not doze. He was getting uncomfortable with the whole situation, mainly because it felt so damn comfortable most of the time. Even when they were skirting around things that one of them didn't want to talk about, they seemed to understand that - well, it was a mutual affliction. They both had things that needed to be kept secret, they both didn't trust anyone, they both had a somewhat shady history - though he was pissed that he didn't know more about that from Random. He'd been fairly forthcoming about his job and lifestyle - to a degree anyway - and Random wasn't really reciprocating.
Family was a no-go area for the other man at the moment it seemed. He was OK with that, if curious. His own plans for certain people in the bar were a definite topic to avoid because he didn't trust the man not to warn the people who would suffer. They fought whenever Roy was mentioned, he was sure they were going to fight about Andres and the rest - especially after he went to see Castle later on - and all in all, there seemed to next to no reason to be sleeping together at all. But they were, and it was great. It was entertaining just hanging out with the guy and he didn't like that he enjoyed it. Normally on social occasions the hierarchy was still in place - back on Earth, everyone around him deferred to him, always. It was different here and was taking a bit of getting used to. He just had to deal with the fact that there were many people more powerful than him, he knew it was true and while he wouldn't defer to them exactly, he could be polite and stay out of trouble. It would be stupid to do otherwise - it was just weird to be with Random and have it be so relaxed. Neither one of them backed down to the other, they talked, respected each other's need to keep things secret...but Random did it because he chose to. He did it because he didn't have a choice, and that pissed him off. There wasn't much he could use against a magical immortal being to force him into telling him things and threatening people was the only way he'd ever known.
He tried to ignore the voice that told him he respected Random's need for distance because he liked the guy - because that would not be good. He did like him, but he had liked Jack too and that didn't stop him wanting to kill him now.
He sighed and turned his thoughts away from it because at the moment, it was just sex and hanging out and as long as he could keep it that way, everything would be fine. And he was going to see Castle later because he wanted to, not because he was paying him back for hitting Random or anything. No.
He let it drop. There was something even more pressing on his mind after his last conversation with Arithon. The deal with Elan Morin was something he would never discuss with Random, he didn't want to think about it himself. But the fact that the little sorceror had been able to see it so easily, had shown him the stain on his soul...it made it real. He couldn't now try to tell himself that it hadn't happened and he wondered just what exactly he'd been thinking.
It wasn't that he was afraid of what he might be asked to. Killing people had never bothered him, he could do that without thinking. Spying, passing on information, torture, whatever - all easy. It was just...he didn't know. He felt uncomfortable and if he was honest, he'd been feeling it before talking to Arithon. It was just the idea of being owned that he didn't like, the way he wasn't really his own man now, he'd always hated that. It had even kept him out of any sort of long-term commitment to anyone else, his whole life - mainly because he didn't really care about anyone else of course, but also because he didn't want the burden of their opinions or emotions. They weren't important compared to his own. And now - well, he'd got Random to think about and it bugged him. And he'd sold himself out to something that wouldn't hesitate to use him however it wanted, and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He was starting to feel like he wasn't in control of himself any more and that didn't please him. It made him want to take something back.
It would be easy to blame Arithon for this, for the stunt with the conscience. But he was another untouchable, and worse, he respected him for what he endured. It was another example of feeling for someone else, and he didn't like it. But he still had to acknowledge that he'd asked for the enchantment, had wanted the challenge and he felt pretty glad that he'd faced it...but he couldn't help but be a little changed by it, and that wasn't good. He grits his teeth at the thought of the weakness now in him, even if it is only the memory of weakness - the memory that for 36 hours he'd felt bad for the things he'd done.
So yes, sleeping wasn't easy right now. A couple of nights filled with cats and pain and green eyes and blindness...and a waking nightmare of agony, surrounded and invaded by guilt...and then that VOICE, the one belonging to the Great Lord of the Dark, speaking to him, offering things he thought he wanted...that was what he was hearing now. He could try and tell himself that it was all a dream, but there was still a cut healing on his shoulder that proved to him that he really had been where he thought he had. And anyway, Arithon had shown him...
This bar really was fucked up. It was giving him an opportunity to do something that he didn't have a chance to do at home right now - but it was causing a fair few problems as well. And - Random aside - they weren't really good problems.
And to top it all, it was Random's birthday tomorrow. Well fuck it, he wasn't sending flowers. He'd probably just stay in his room.
He was awake before Random he thinks, but isn't entirely sure that the other man had slept that well either. He'd turned away from him after he'd gone to sleep and refused to look at him until after he'd woken up from his real-or-not doze. He was getting uncomfortable with the whole situation, mainly because it felt so damn comfortable most of the time. Even when they were skirting around things that one of them didn't want to talk about, they seemed to understand that - well, it was a mutual affliction. They both had things that needed to be kept secret, they both didn't trust anyone, they both had a somewhat shady history - though he was pissed that he didn't know more about that from Random. He'd been fairly forthcoming about his job and lifestyle - to a degree anyway - and Random wasn't really reciprocating.
Family was a no-go area for the other man at the moment it seemed. He was OK with that, if curious. His own plans for certain people in the bar were a definite topic to avoid because he didn't trust the man not to warn the people who would suffer. They fought whenever Roy was mentioned, he was sure they were going to fight about Andres and the rest - especially after he went to see Castle later on - and all in all, there seemed to next to no reason to be sleeping together at all. But they were, and it was great. It was entertaining just hanging out with the guy and he didn't like that he enjoyed it. Normally on social occasions the hierarchy was still in place - back on Earth, everyone around him deferred to him, always. It was different here and was taking a bit of getting used to. He just had to deal with the fact that there were many people more powerful than him, he knew it was true and while he wouldn't defer to them exactly, he could be polite and stay out of trouble. It would be stupid to do otherwise - it was just weird to be with Random and have it be so relaxed. Neither one of them backed down to the other, they talked, respected each other's need to keep things secret...but Random did it because he chose to. He did it because he didn't have a choice, and that pissed him off. There wasn't much he could use against a magical immortal being to force him into telling him things and threatening people was the only way he'd ever known.
He tried to ignore the voice that told him he respected Random's need for distance because he liked the guy - because that would not be good. He did like him, but he had liked Jack too and that didn't stop him wanting to kill him now.
He sighed and turned his thoughts away from it because at the moment, it was just sex and hanging out and as long as he could keep it that way, everything would be fine. And he was going to see Castle later because he wanted to, not because he was paying him back for hitting Random or anything. No.
He let it drop. There was something even more pressing on his mind after his last conversation with Arithon. The deal with Elan Morin was something he would never discuss with Random, he didn't want to think about it himself. But the fact that the little sorceror had been able to see it so easily, had shown him the stain on his soul...it made it real. He couldn't now try to tell himself that it hadn't happened and he wondered just what exactly he'd been thinking.
It wasn't that he was afraid of what he might be asked to. Killing people had never bothered him, he could do that without thinking. Spying, passing on information, torture, whatever - all easy. It was just...he didn't know. He felt uncomfortable and if he was honest, he'd been feeling it before talking to Arithon. It was just the idea of being owned that he didn't like, the way he wasn't really his own man now, he'd always hated that. It had even kept him out of any sort of long-term commitment to anyone else, his whole life - mainly because he didn't really care about anyone else of course, but also because he didn't want the burden of their opinions or emotions. They weren't important compared to his own. And now - well, he'd got Random to think about and it bugged him. And he'd sold himself out to something that wouldn't hesitate to use him however it wanted, and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He was starting to feel like he wasn't in control of himself any more and that didn't please him. It made him want to take something back.
It would be easy to blame Arithon for this, for the stunt with the conscience. But he was another untouchable, and worse, he respected him for what he endured. It was another example of feeling for someone else, and he didn't like it. But he still had to acknowledge that he'd asked for the enchantment, had wanted the challenge and he felt pretty glad that he'd faced it...but he couldn't help but be a little changed by it, and that wasn't good. He grits his teeth at the thought of the weakness now in him, even if it is only the memory of weakness - the memory that for 36 hours he'd felt bad for the things he'd done.
So yes, sleeping wasn't easy right now. A couple of nights filled with cats and pain and green eyes and blindness...and a waking nightmare of agony, surrounded and invaded by guilt...and then that VOICE, the one belonging to the Great Lord of the Dark, speaking to him, offering things he thought he wanted...that was what he was hearing now. He could try and tell himself that it was all a dream, but there was still a cut healing on his shoulder that proved to him that he really had been where he thought he had. And anyway, Arithon had shown him...
This bar really was fucked up. It was giving him an opportunity to do something that he didn't have a chance to do at home right now - but it was causing a fair few problems as well. And - Random aside - they weren't really good problems.
And to top it all, it was Random's birthday tomorrow. Well fuck it, he wasn't sending flowers. He'd probably just stay in his room.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-01 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-01 02:19 pm (UTC)And yes please, a copy of plot loinks would be great. Email addy is writetolive@gmail.com
How's Andres doing today? Is he coming out of his room again?]
no subject
Date: 2005-08-01 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-01 02:32 pm (UTC)And yeah! Tag! That'd be cool. Slow is no problem. :) *in awe of your ninja-like stealth*]