OOM: A decision

[latino_menace]

It's cold now, after having been out here for an hour or two, he's lost track of the actual time. As always on Haven, there's no ambient noise or light. Only the moon reflecting off the lake, surrounded by almost eerie silence. He doesn't care. His thoughts would drown out any sound anyway.

This is hard for him and he feels like the stuffing's been knocked out of him. There's no fight there, for the first time since he was cursed. Because when it comes down to it, Dream had been right. Random had said as much. Even if he went ahead and did what he wanted to do with Narcissa, and he didn't lose Random over it - then there'd be someone else lining up soon enough. If there's anything that his time as a crime lord has shown him, it's that enemies don't go away. They're the most inevitable thing there is.

And he knows he's faced this before. Almost lost Random when he wanted to go and become immortal, the guy had got as far as packing his bags. Ramon couldn't bear to be without him then and he can't now.

So what's the solution? Do what Random wants, back down, let the woman win?

Change?

It's almost a dirty word, to him. He doesn't know how to, doesn't want to learn. But that's what he'd be doing, even if he only gave an inch to that bitch. And no matter how he looks at it, it seems to be inevitable.

Trust will be damaged if he gets locked up again. Could be anyone that puts him there, but he knows it'll happen. Already has twice in the last two weeks. How much more will Random stand?

And at the same time...curbing the instinct to fight back - he's never had to do it in his life. He's never had to control himself, has never answered to anyone for his actions. But that's what love is, right? Compromise. Doing as your partner wants. He'd thought he was doing pretty well with it, but obviously not. The thought of backing down from anyone is enough to make bile rise in his throat.

He raises a hand and scrubs it across his face, then stares out at the lake again. So tired. He knows he could think about this all night, but what's the point? When it comes down to it - he hasn't fought this long to keep Random with him, to go and throw it all away now.

Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe he can go and ask him a simple question and all this will go away. It's possible - of course, if the answer's wrong then he'll be forced to implement the idea brewing at the back of his mind. That would be a whole different kettle of fish. But there's no point dwelling on it, because there's only one way to find out. And he intends to - he pushes away from the rock he'd been leaning against and lights a cigarette as he wanders back up to the house. He'll love him first, he thinks. If he's still allowed, after that argument. Hell, there's a possibility he'll never be allowed again, after tonight.

So, one more time. One more question. And after that - change?

He'll see.