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Mar. 20th, 2006 02:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
latino_menaceFollowing this...
Ramon bursts through the door to Haven, rather white-faced, resisting the urge to shake a bit and in desperate need of a drink. He doesn't stop to look around, just riffles through cupboards for strong alcohol and proceeds to glug brandy straight from the bottle.
And then, head? Meet table. Bang repeatedly.
Ramon bursts through the door to Haven, rather white-faced, resisting the urge to shake a bit and in desperate need of a drink. He doesn't stop to look around, just riffles through cupboards for strong alcohol and proceeds to glug brandy straight from the bottle.
And then, head? Meet table. Bang repeatedly.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2006-03-20 02:28 am (UTC)Hands slide between forehead and wood, so Ramon is now whacking himself against the open (and soft) palms of a concerned lover.
"What's got you in a tizzy, babe?"
His tone is light, though not without concern. It's obviously something.
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Date: 2006-03-20 02:32 am (UTC)Random is grabbed and pulled on to his lap so he can bury his head in his chest.
'Don't let me ever talk to anyone. Ever again, I mean it.'
Lalala head in the sand.
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Date: 2006-03-20 02:38 am (UTC)He wraps his arms around him, holding him close, keeping his head to his chest and leaning down to kiss the top of it.
"Was there a specific someone who prompted this new, shiny, social abstinance?"
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Date: 2006-03-20 02:44 am (UTC)He looks up at Random with wild eyes, then leans his face against his chest again with a slightly dazed expression. Random is solid, and there and...ack, Dream knows everything and everyone and can hear this conversation if he wants to and eeewwww!
'I met one of the Endless.'
Yes.
'...I don't think it went that well.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 02:48 am (UTC)He keeps any and all panic out of his voice.
"Were there discernable signs of anger? Because... yeah."
Holy shit.
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Date: 2006-03-20 02:56 am (UTC)He looks up again, startled. Because that hadn't occured to him.
'...um? I don't know. Hard to tell, really. Thing's not normal Random. It was...'
Bone shakingly terrifying? Brain-meltingly scary?
...really really horrendous hair?
'...odd.' A rather tame word, he feels. But yes. Certainly odd.
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:02 am (UTC)He sighs.
"Okay. Then we can deal with anything. Which one was it?"
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:08 am (UTC)He shudders slightly and holds Random tighter, if that's possible.
'Dream.'
There's a beat while he recalls - against his will - what he was shown.
'He showed me what its like to be him. You know, what he is. Just for a second but...Christ.'
He shudders again, a little harder. Because he hadn't asked to see that and now he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget it.
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:10 am (UTC)Now, if he weren't Endless, Random would have several very loud things to say about responsibility and permission and stupid prick. But he is and that would be bad, so he stiffles that.
"Fuck. Are you okay?"
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:22 am (UTC)Which is a no because otherwise he'd just say yes, and brush it off as no big deal. Except...well, humans aren't really supposed to be exposed to something that incredibly vast and he's not that sure how to process it. No coping mechanism for that sort of thing.
'Just let me hang on to you for a minute, it'll be alright.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:25 am (UTC)He hangs on tight in return, rather at a loss.
There's no way to explain that away. No way to kiss it and make it better. Nothing he understands.
"I'm here."
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:37 am (UTC)'He said I could lose you.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:40 am (UTC)Random's arms are strong around him. Random's heartbeat is loud against his ear. Random's breath tickles the back of his neck. Random's solid and Random's safe and he's asking him to listen.
"There are always ways to loose people. But I love you, and I'm not dead yet. Nor are you. Nothing to fear. We have our five hundred. We have everything."
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:46 am (UTC)He looks up into Random's eyes then, worried.
'I thought I was doing all right with it.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:53 am (UTC)He takes a gentle hold of his chin.
"If I were to tell you right now I'd never have sex with you ever again because... say, I got hit by my father and paralysed from the waist down? Would you stick around to help me up and down stairs and make sure I didn't suicide and just... try?"
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Date: 2006-03-20 03:59 am (UTC)Said instantly, without a moments thought.
'Of course.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:05 am (UTC)He smiles at him, beaming, really.
"Of course. Think about that. Care without lust."
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:13 am (UTC)'He said that his desire to do what his wife wants is the nature of love. And I'll understand in time - or if I don't, then I'll lose you.'
He doesn't look up at him again.
'He knows what everyone thinks. What if what I think isn't enough then?'
Its the best way he knows to articulate it, but it possibly isn't the clearest of things.
This is all I know how to give. I don't know any other way to show him - and if this is my limit and I'm still not understanding, how long before Dream's right, and he'll go?
He's been looking for a while, for a way to show Random what he feels because the words never seem to be enough. That was what the soul thing was about. And now he's at a loss as to what else there can be.
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:19 am (UTC)That's his reasoning. And it's perfect.
"Last I checked, you weren't in his bed. You were in mine. And the fact that you bring back stuffed teddy-esque rabbits for my infant son? That's what I want. That you do, because you know it'll just make me smile. Even a little. And that you don't antagonize Julian, and last I checked, you didn't even mind it all that much either. That's what I want.
You're there. Believe me. You're there."
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:26 am (UTC)'I do love you. Never loved anyone like this before so I'm not surprised if I suck at it. Do a good job of pretending that I know what I'm doing, but I don't. At all.'
It's easier to say if he doesn't have to look at him.
'I'm trying though. And I'll keep going because I just want you to be happy, alright?'
And he'll still try to find ways to prove that he loves him. For him, proof is necessary for it to be real. He doesn't trust that Random will just understand without something to show for it.
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:31 am (UTC)He closes his eyes, with a smile.
"You never know what you're doing. I still don't. I'm not planning on figuring it out, either. Trusting the other person to help you muddle through it is important.
But I know you love me. I've got a jaguars tooth to show for it, after all."
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:37 am (UTC)It's barely above a whisper as he hangs on to him. But it's better. He'd forgotten the tooth.
Not the paperclip though. He'll never forget that. And he reaches into his pocket now and brings it out, showing Random that he's still got it and isn't afraid of what it means.
'I'm going to get some mahogany and mount it into it, put it on a chain or something. I don't want to lose it.'
And mahogany was the colour of love in his soul, though he won't remind Random of that if he doesn't remember.
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:43 am (UTC)"Sometimes, I imagine I could touch the very being of you. I thought about it a lot while you were away."
He remembers.
"About seeing that- us- upon you and thinking it was beautiful."
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:47 am (UTC)'I think you already have,' he says quietly. Because he's thought about this too, several times and mainly when he's thought that he might lose him. 'Can't stand the thought of being without you.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:54 am (UTC)He kisses him.
"And that you won't stop trying. If he's as smart as I think he is, he'll know that's enough."
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Date: 2006-03-20 04:59 am (UTC)'Alright. It's not about what he thinks though. Its about you. And if you think its enough, then OK.'
He won't stop trying to do better. Maybe that is what love is.
'Come to bed? Just want to hold you.'
Maybe that he can sit here and say this stuff without being embarrassed is progress, he thinks.
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Date: 2006-03-20 05:03 am (UTC)A drowsy evening in bed will be perfect, he imagines, so Ramon's hand is taken as Random stands.
"Lets go."
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Date: 2006-03-20 05:09 am (UTC)'Didn't mean to unload on you like that.'
He leans in and steals one more kiss.
'Thank you.'
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Date: 2006-03-20 05:13 am (UTC)"And I'll do the same on you. Now lets get to bed. I'm exhausted."
Can't help but yawn.
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Date: 2006-03-20 05:18 am (UTC)'Bed then.'
And he leads him upstairs, to keep him close all night because that's just another way of showing him that he's not going anywhere, ever.
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Date: 2006-03-20 05:18 am (UTC)