(no subject)
Dec. 31st, 2005 06:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
latino_menaceRamon, as promised, has waited up for Random. He's in bed and reading but still very much awake.
Which is good, because when Random staggers in it looks like he needs someone to talk to. Desperately.
'Baby?'
Which is good, because when Random staggers in it looks like he needs someone to talk to. Desperately.
'Baby?'
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:11 am (UTC)Instead, it's a graceless stagger, a trip into Ramon's lap, a soft bitter sound into the sheets, shaking shoulders, and clutching hands.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:13 am (UTC)'S'alright Random, it'll be OK. What happened?'
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:20 am (UTC)It shows.
His movements are strangely graceless, somehow stilted, and he's pulling him closer with more force than he should because he can't keep track of things or anything and just knows he wants Ramon to hold him.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:23 am (UTC)'You've been drinking baby, you're worrying me. What happened? Please?'
He doesn't let go of him, even for a second.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:25 am (UTC)He doesn't let go. Can't bring himself to.
"Ramon I hate it and I can't."
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:28 am (UTC)'Hate what? Can't what? Random...please, tell me.'
Still doesn't let go. But he's scared now because last time Random showed up in this state to do with Martin, he'd been packing a bag to leave. And it hits him that maybe that is what he's doing, again, if he told the boy about Asandir's offer.
Oh Christ, please not again...
But he gives nothing away, just holds him and strokes down his back in a hopefully comforting manner.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:30 am (UTC)There's a short laugh, perilously close to a sob.
"'m not a father. Not supposed to be. Can't be. Can't, Ramon. Hurt him again."
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:36 am (UTC)He heaves a slight sigh of relief and lifts Random's chin lightly, pressing the softest of soft kisses to his lips.
'You are a father. Because you care. Random...'
He doesn't know how to get it across.
'...everybody fucks up with their kids. They always get hurt, just like your parents hurt you and mine hurt me. It happens. You're not perfect and no one can expect you to be. But you love him and that's a good start.'
He looks at him to see whether that got through. And then notices dark patches on his clothes. Their sheets are dark blue but when he looks at his own naked chest, there's blood smeared from Random's clothes.
'...the fuck?!' He panics immediately, pulling the man's shirt up to check for injury. 'What did he do to you?!'
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:39 am (UTC)Listless hands push at Ramon's.
"No. I hurt him. Did to him. Gave him 'tlantean and his blood thinned and cuts started bleeding and I can't be like my father."
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:41 am (UTC)'You're not like your father. You're not. If he wanted to get himself cut up, that's his perogative. He's an adult Random, you're not responsible for everything he does. He should have known not to drink it.'
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:44 am (UTC)There's a short laugh.
"Not enough to drive me to this, just normal things like that? Got to explain everything to him. 'bout you and Asandir and you and Arithon and everything."
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:46 am (UTC)After a moment or two, his arms drop. One still rests over Random's legs but the other falls away.
And he doesn't say anything, because snapping out, Sorry that you feel you have to fucking apologise for me...probably won't have a good effect right now, he feels.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:48 am (UTC)In fact, he's starting to cry even though he doesn't. Bitter, and tired, and still holding on to Ramon like he's going to drown.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:51 am (UTC)'Don't cry, it'll be alright. I'll talk to him if you like, explain it myself.'
Though no, I don't see why I should fucking have to.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:54 am (UTC)He doesn't stop. Can't seem to swallow it just once more Random once more fuck you've done better than this you don't need to crumble just once more this time.
"He accepts that it's my choice. Even if torture doesn't... I mean... can't ask him to..."
Random trails off with another set of tears.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 06:59 am (UTC)It's not hard to put it together. He also wants to explain that he doesn't care what Martin thinks about him but he knows that Random does, in that life will be much easier and happier if they got along. But he knows that it's never going to happen. Not unless something major happens to force it.
'Your choice. My choice. Sorry baby, but he's going to have to deal with it and you can't help him with that.'
Perhaps not the best time for honesty. But there it is.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 07:03 am (UTC)He stills, momentarily, and glances up, open and unguarded.
"I weep for the scars of maybe and never. Now. Fuck, I need a cigarette."
And yes, there's guilt in the back of his throat, enough to make him sick to his stomach, and yes, he's drunk enough that he can hardly keep upright but those are both pushed aside. He's also exhausted, drained, and sticky with his son's blood again.
But if there's one thing Random can do, it's accept that things can't always be alright. Tears are pushed out of his eyes, and the moment of weakness is pushed aside with shaking breaths.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 07:09 am (UTC)'I don't want you to get any more scars. And you don't know what's going to happen. There's no point crying for things that may never occur baby, only madness lies that way. Cry for things that do happen, if you must - but don't worry about yourself as a father. You're a good father.'
He kisses him again, then reaches for the cigarettes, lights one and holds it out for Random to take.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 07:11 am (UTC)He's oddly lucid, it seems. Because he recognizes that his hand is shaking rapidly enough that that part will be a problem.
"Don't want to set the bed on fire."
At the same time, he's far gone enough that he considers it his prerogative to ignore whatever he should so choose.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 07:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-31 03:42 pm (UTC)"Sorry baby. Didn't need this, I bet. Not very fair of me to promise sex and then come through all wobbly."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 04:20 pm (UTC)He takes the cigarette back and then kisses him.
'...sex doesn't matter. You do. Be as wobbly as you like, I'll still be here.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 04:25 pm (UTC)He pulls himself up, settling against Ramon. Yes, he's still wearing boots. No, he can't bring himself to care.
"For all of it."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 05:21 pm (UTC)'You don't need to apologise to me baby, it's alright.' A hand strokes through his hair, hopefully in a relaxing way. 'Feeling better? Tell me what I can do to help, I'll do it.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 05:27 pm (UTC)There's a half amused drunken grab for the kleenex box on the dresser.
"I know you'll forgive me. Christ, I don't deserve you, you know that?"
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 05:34 pm (UTC)And there's a small laugh and a kiss pressed to his temple, then he says quietly, 'No, I think you deserve better than me. I'd have sent a human grey by now.'
He's buried the annoyance, to a large degree. Random doesn't need to deal with it right now.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 05:39 pm (UTC)Wiping his face quickly with the kleenex, and curling up, partially to be closer to Ramon, partially to fumble with his boots.
"But you don't. 'm gonna apologize 'gain in the morning. Don't need my shit. Don't need it."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 05:49 pm (UTC)'Let me. And Random - you've taken more shit off me than anyone should ever have to. And...fuck!'
He abandons the boots for a moment and takes his face gently between his hands. 'Listen to me. We're together, right? So it's our shit. I love you, stop worrying over whether you're laying stuff on me, alright?'
He kisses him lightly, then releases him and goes back to pulling his boots off him.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 05:57 pm (UTC)"We're good a' putting eachother back together. 's because I love you so much. 'n you love me. So glad I saw that, baby, so glad."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:04 pm (UTC)It takes a few minutes but the boots come off, then he starts on the clothes. 'Come on. Get these off and then drink some water and sleep. You'll feel better in the morning.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:09 pm (UTC)And he's even right.
"No, things are going to be very bad for a little bit."
It's said with the conviction of a drunk. And, you know, a Tarot Reader.
"You might hate me, a little. It scares me, baby."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:15 pm (UTC)He shakes his head and goes back to work on the shirt.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:19 pm (UTC)Another drunken laugh, and his hands reach for Ramon, possibly fouling the ones working on his shirt, but it doesn't matter.
"God, hold me. 'm being ridiculous. Having a fucking anxiety attack."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:27 pm (UTC)'Don't have an anxiety attack. I'm here. I don't hate you and never will and I don't want you hating yourself either.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:32 pm (UTC)He smiles up at him, then lets his head drop.
"That'll do. Martin and I need to stop getting drunk. Never leads to good things."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:41 pm (UTC)He thinks, for a long moment.
"Had to explain to him 'bout Asandir. Figured it was as good a time as any to tell him all of it. He's so much a doctor he reacted so terribly. Said he won'come for dinner any more ever, and that he doesn't want to speak to you. He was pretty dazed. Drunk as anything. And then he was bleeding everywhere an' I had to call for Svava."
By the end of it his face is burried in Ramon's chest.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:46 pm (UTC)But he keeps quiet and just says, 'I'll go and talk to him and sort it out. I don't want you upset about it. I can explain better, if that's what you want him to know.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 06:51 pm (UTC)He holds on, for a moment.
"Please, in the morning. I need to sleep or 'm gonna... well, no. 'm already gonna be hungover as fuck."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:10 pm (UTC)He moves and pulls Random's jeans off him, then covers them both over with the quilt. 'Sleep then, we'll talk about this tomorrow.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:15 pm (UTC)His eyes are closing, and he's pulling Ramon closer.
"What Gorlim said about me. Something crooked in the foundations. Building up layers of slight tilts to make it look straighter but it doesn't work."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:20 pm (UTC)'Gorlim said what to you?' His eyes narrow in anger. 'That's the stupidest, most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life.' And I'm going to make sure he knows it too. 'You are not broken. You're not crooked in the foundations or any shit like that, you understand? And Christ, that coming from Gorlim?! He's more fucked up than anyone.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:23 pm (UTC)He's too tired for this.
"I said t'about something else, 'n he said 'like you.' What I meant was this with Martin. 'm not crooked. Just a perfectly normal Amberite."
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:26 pm (UTC)'Alright then. Sleep baby, you need it. I love you.'
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:33 pm (UTC)And he is, for all intents and purposes, out cold.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 07:44 pm (UTC)He cuddles him closer and settles down to sleep. Because in the end, the other shit doesn't matter to him. He's got Random, so it'll all work out.