"Ask him about the picture," he insists, "and smile when he explains it to you. If there's a squiggle in the corner it's an 'M,' he's learning basic letters, it'll look more like a camel than anything but tell him it's a good job. Make sure he brushes his teeth."

God, what else might Ramon not know?

"Warm milk before bed if he says he's feeling jumpy, and a quarter of a banana. But he has to re-brush after."