latino_menace | OOM: Another visit

Ramon smiles and strokes his hair idly.

'Yeah, well. He made me sound like a moony-eyed teenage girl and I don't like that.'

Well, he wouldn't.

'I don't want you to teach me to hide it. I've got nothing to hide and I'm not ashamed of this.'

"Well, there you go."

He smiles back, though faintly.

"Now. Quit beating around the proverbial bush, kay?"

He gives in. Doesn't he always? It's not without hesitation though, not without having to force it out of himself.

'He...implied that you'd end up like him.'

"Which means?"

He rather thinks he knows, but best to hear it said, perhaps.

He hates this. What if it's never occured to Random before and now he's going to worry him with something the old man could have been lying about.

So it's a quiet mutter when he replies, 'That you'd get too old and forget who you are. You know....lose yourself and go insane like he is.'

And I wont be around to remind you of what you are.

"Oh."

He reaches out a hand, taking Ramon's.

"Well. Can I tell you something about time, baby? You need to understand this. For as long as you're going to be with me... you're really still thinking in terms of years.

But my oldest brother is more than twice my age. That's the oldest living. Finndo would be more. Oberon was at least that again before he started having offspring. His father before him would have been the same. That makes the man about ten times my age- this is the roughest of rough guesses, you know. And this is the Dworkin that created the trumps. He's been dabbling so heavily in magic it's a miracle he can see straight at all."

In his humble oppinion.

"Time, Ramon, is long. All that aside, I've already burried brothers. Oberon had siblings too, hear tell. They've all fallen. I can't imagine Dworkin as alone either. Odds are, I'll find something worth dying for that needs me."

'...what?'

It had been making sense, until that last part.

'What are you talking about, 'something worth dying for'?'

"Well, I'll end up on the losing side of a war. Or I'll fall defending Amber. Or I'll get back into politics and be assassinated...
Hell, might even crash Jabberwock one day. Something dangerous, something I lived with knowing it was dangerous, and something that ultimately ends things. It might be a brother."

He considers, calmly.

"It'll probably be a brother. Our games bring out the best and the worst and are the very brightest sort of candles for us moths. That'll probably be what kills me. Though I am an awfully good gambler."

Ramon says nothing for a moment. Then he just carefully pulls Random to him, folding arms around him.

'I don't want to talk about this anymore.'

He seriously doesn't.

"Sorry."

He tucks against his chest.

"I'm not going to forget, though. I promise. Hundreds and hundreds of photos. I kept the one you didn't like, I'm sorry. But you're so lovely when you sleep."

'Didn't say I didn't like it. Just didn't like you taking it without my knowing.'

He murmurs it into his hair, strangely washed out and tired by this whole thing. There's a small smile though and he tucks a bit of stray hair behind Random's ear.

'I don't want you to forget.' Wasn't that one of his old worries, that Random would move on after his death and then forget about him entirely? 'And you know, thinking that you'll probably get killed before you get that old isn't much of a comfort.'

"Something has to end it, Ramon."

He keeps his eyes closed, not through fear, nor denial, just quiet knowledge.

"It won't be my own body, and I'd rather it wasn't my own hand. If things last too long and the lives in the universe around me all go out, it will have to be. Forgive me, but I hope not."

He stays quiet, just holds him close. This subject always depresses him.

'Don't want to think about it.' But before he can stop himself, he blurts out, 'He said you'll duck questions because you're forgetting already. Like if I ask you things then you'll unravel and come apart.'

"Oh."

He leans into him, now seeking comfort.

"Are you going to ask?"

'Do you want me to?' he asks uneasily. He doesn't want to ask if it's going to make him react like Dworkin said it would.

'I've asked things before and it's not been a problem.'

That he can remember anyway.

"I've lied."

He says it softly.

"Not recently. Not for months. But I've had to lie. I'm not perfect. But the important things, I don't forget. Ever. Ever."

He kind of feels like he's been punched in the stomach.

'So I've asked you things and you've made up the answers? Because you've forgotten?'

"Not since before your curse."

He's kinda, like Dworkin said, unravelling.

"You can't imagine how embarassing..."

Well, that's a little better. He can handle that, it was months ago and he barely remembers things himself, from then.

But still, this is worrying. Random is...shit, he didn't want this.

'...what? What's embarrassing?'

"To not know something like that. To not remember where you learned to speak French. No idea."

He lies to acquaintances. He lies to strangers. He lies to friends if he thinks it will do them well.

He never, never lies to Ramon, not if he can help it. He has yet to lie to Martin. There are some limits you don't push.

He can't comprehend that. No part of it. How would you forget where you learnt an entire new language? He just can't think in that span of time yet.

'Oh.'

Ramon doesn't know what to say but his blood runs a little cold. This worries him more than he cares to admit.

"Hasn't changed anything, baby."

He looks up at him, again.

"You know that. I'm still your lover, I'm still a loving father. I still remember the look on your face when I choked on my scotch the first time we meet. I still remember the layout of your house in Columbia. I still remember being a child, most of it.

I still remember so much. One day, I need to show you through the other photos. The ones from before I knew you. I've had the richest life you could dream of, babe. Some things are just more important than others."

'Yeah.'

That helps actually. Because it's normal, right? Even humans tend to recall the highlights and forget the mundane.

He leans down and kisses him gently. 'I love you. I just worry about what'll happen to you after I'm gone. I know it's - hopefully - ages away but I can't stop myself. And I really don't want to get lost like Dworkin has.'

He can't stand that thought. Because that's just not Random. This is him, now, gorgeous and alive - not some wreck of a old man that can hardly complete a sentence.

'I'd like to see the photo's though. I'd like to see all the things you've done. You must have seen some interesting shadows.'

"The best, the brightest, and I'll take you to all of them."

Random doesn't worry about it. Worrying about it would drive him there faster.

"You'll see. It'll be wonderful. We'll have sex in each and every one."

Ramon grins and finally relaxes a bit, kissing him again.

'I'm glad to hear it. Every new shadow should be christened.'

There's a glance over to the baby and the smile broadens.

'Think when he's older he'll roll his eyes at us for kissing in front of him?'

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