He’s not a man given to introspection, ever. When things are done, they’re done, and while he remembers them, he rarely thinks about why. It’s always been the way.
Sometimes it’s harder, he’s learnt that since coming to Milliways. Maybe it’s because more has happened since he arrived, things he’d never dreamed were ever possible. Even if he dreamed at all, which he didn’t. Doesn’t.
The house here has a small balcony that overlooks the beach and he leans against the doorframe in the darkness, staring out over water that appears black in the night. An injured hand holds a cigarette but he pays it no mind as he smokes, blowing clouds of it against the glass of the French windows so close to his face, obscuring the view while he doesn’t think.
Never mention my brother’s name…
He hates this, when he doesn’t want to go to the bar. Usually it’s fun and he’s on top of it all and there are things to do, people to piss off, new opportunities and situations. But sometimes - not that he ever admits it – it only takes one annoying situation to set him back. Even so, the problem is usually dealt with proactively, by dealing with it. If that involves violence or torture or murder, so be it.
The problem here is that the annoying situation is here as well as there. He’s promised to try and keep out of the cells. That means no violence, no murder unless it’s out of the bar and no chance of getting caught. But to not react – it’s costing him more than he thought it would. It makes him think, and he hates that.
If you get thrown in the cells…I’ll wait, but I won't be able to trust you when you come back. Not for a very long time.
He’s never been about balance. He’s never had to be. Living life in either black or white has its advantages, especially when you enjoy playing in other people’s grays. For him personally, there are two ways to do things. Two ways to divide everything. If he wants it, he has it, whether it’s by buying it, taking it, coercing it or outright forcing it – he gets it. If he doesn’t want it, it’s left alone. He doesn’t believe in balance, at all. If he wants everything, he takes everything, and that’s it.
But now? Things aren’t that simple. Choices have to be made, compromises given. And he hates it. He understands why, to an extent, and is mostly willing to learn. But this is almost a bridge too far…except that when it comes to Random, he’s not sure there is a bridge too far. But there may be things that change him and this may be one of them. He’ll never like it.
It’s his only excuse, now, as he stands in silent darkness and hopes that Random won’t come in and see. He can only justify this attempt at good behaviour by reminding himself that it’s for someone else’s benefit, and at their request. And it is. What he can’t justify is his willingness to even try to do it. Because in the past he would have laughed at the notion, at best, or killed on hearing it suggested, at worst. But now?
…well, Milliways has a tendency to change things, doesn’t it?
Doesn’t mean he has to like it. Doesn’t mean he won’t fight it either, even if he can’t do so vocally.
Ramon lets out a deep breath and tries to drag his mind towards something more cheerful, even though he hasn’t consciously been thinking about anything at all. All he knows is that the fight with Sands, and its aftermath with Random, has left him feeling like there’s no place that’s fun anymore. That life is suddenly all about a kid, and peace, and a life of relaxation until Arithon decides to take him off to war. Which might not be for years yet.
He itches with the inactivity. It occurs to him that there’s nothing stopping him moving though, back into business that he’d already discussed with Random. Back into drugs and club ownership, starting over someplace else until such time as he’s able to tie up the loose ends on Earth. He could look into that, no problem. Two people owe him in the bar, there’s no reason why he can’t call in the favours and get going. A new challenge, a new empire to build. And with thirty years of expertise behind him already, there’s no chance of failure.
There’s a real smile, for the first time in a few days, even if it is a bit tired. He’ll get started in the morning. For now, he’ll just stand, and not think. Easier that way.