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Oct. 7th, 2005 08:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
latino_menaceThe sleep had been dreamless. Unfortunately, being awake brought everything back.
Ramon opens his eyes slowly, unwilling to come back to a realiy that hurts so much. There's a moment of panic when he realises that Random isn't there with him because he can't deal with the idea of being alone right now. He sits up...and sees him, sitting on the end of the bed, looking like he hasn't slept at all.
He still can't find any words. Not after last night. He just reaches a hand for him and hopes he won't be turned away.
Ramon opens his eyes slowly, unwilling to come back to a realiy that hurts so much. There's a moment of panic when he realises that Random isn't there with him because he can't deal with the idea of being alone right now. He sits up...and sees him, sitting on the end of the bed, looking like he hasn't slept at all.
He still can't find any words. Not after last night. He just reaches a hand for him and hopes he won't be turned away.
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Date: 2005-10-08 02:15 am (UTC)Because it's been so long, and he's so tired, and Ramon's on top of him and it's perfect and...
He comes with a choked cry, turning his face towards Ramon and kissing him because I love you.
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Date: 2005-10-08 02:41 am (UTC)He's close, so close. But he can't let go. The night before weighs back in his mind, the way he'd been so out of control...he can't get rid of it, and is afraid to lose his grip again.
So he slows and kisses Random again, hoping he won't notice as he starts to pull away.
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Date: 2005-10-08 02:43 am (UTC)And he holds tight, arms around Ramon's shoulders, legs twined with his.
"Please, Ramon."
For me.
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Date: 2005-10-08 02:58 am (UTC)It's all about trust isn't it? If I hold on to you tight enough and then let go, you won't allow me to disappear...
He remembers being tied up, the way he'd known then that Random wouldn't take advantage. And this is the same thing...
...he's suddenly fully aware of how good this feels, to be making love to someone you trust. He finally lifts his head and looks him in the eye, strokes a hand through his hair...and yes, I can do this...
He's still quiet when he finally comes but it's no less intense for that. Muscles strain and he's biting his lip with the effort, there are still tears in his eyes. But the release brings relief and the knowledge that he's still sane, just about - and that's about all he can ask for.
For now though, Random is is primary concern. He kisses him with the last of his breath and whispers a quiet 'Thank you. I love you...' before moving to one side and pulling him close to him. 'You have to sleep Random. My turn to watch over you.'
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Date: 2005-10-08 03:02 am (UTC)He's gone. Asleep with a small moan and a half hearted attempt at pulling Ramon close again, just too tired to put up a fight.
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Date: 2005-10-08 03:07 am (UTC)Because it's worse now. Something has changed after last night and he vaguely realises that he can't keep a grip on who he is at all. So Random sleeps in his arms and he stares at nothing, living two men's pain in a mind that is on the verge of completely shattering.