latino_menace | OOM: Dinner

"I'm sorry I have to."

He stops there, because he can't say this again.

"Take me up to our bed. Hold me. Once more."

...once?

His blood runs cold and his arms stiffen round him. He doesn't know why - doesn't this make more sense? Get it over with and then it's done and

(I'll have to let him go and I can't, only a few more hours and I can't)

they can move on and it'll be OK.

But logic doesn't help him, as it never does over things to do with love. So there's a lump in his throat suddenly, his arms tighten further and his head betrays him by nodding in the dark as the limo rounds the corner to approach their motel.

It pulls to a stop and Random pulls away, stumbling blindly out of the car and towards the door without looking back at the car.

Hopefully the driver will think he's drunk or something. It doesn't matter.

"C'mon, c'mon, please, take me inside."

Ramon follows, stopping only to tip the driver. Then he's inside, taking Random's hand and leadig him to the stairs to their floor.

The room is as they left it. Dank and grim, with messy sheets and stains on the flaking paint of the walls. The lightbulb is uncovered and harsh and it briefly crosses his mind that it's strange, their last night as only each others being held in a place like this.

"God."

The minute the door shuts he wraps arms tight around him, tugging at his suit, trying to get it off his shoulders.

"Please Ramon."

'Ssshh, Random. Please.'

He lets the jacket drop to the floor, then pulls him into his arms to hold him as tight as he can.

'I'm so sorry about tonight.'

About everything.

"Please, please,"

The night is hot, the air boiling, the room muggy and his suit unbelievably stifling somehow. Random's flushed, and tugging at Ramon's shirt now.

"I'm burning. Please."

'Baby, calm down'

It worries him, the panicked hands and the flushed skin. He tries to still them with one of his own, the other sliding Random's jacket off his shoulders.

'It's OK, we have time. Please, calm down.'

"Just hold me."

He's still feeling feverish, though he does still.

"Please. Maybe a cool shower would be a good idea?"

'Yeah, it would. I wanted to anyway.'
Don't want to make love to you then wash you away afterwards. Want my skin to remember you for as long as it can.
He leads him into the bathroom and sets the shower running, so that the spray of cool water can fill the air. And then he kisses Random as he starts to peel his clothes off him carefully, wanting him to stay calm.

One of them should, clearly, and Random can't bring himself to.

His breathing is still coming hard.

The shower isn't strong but it's constant, it's not going anywhere. Ramon drops his own clothes to the floor and ushers Random in.

And when he's there he just...stands with him. Rests his hands on his shoulders and looks him in the eye.

'Look at me. It'll be alright.'

It's all he can say. All he can keep saying and he still doesn't know if it's true. But if he doesn't say it, his head will be filled with things he really doesn't want to hear.

"Yeah."

His hands tangle in Ramon's hair, and he pulls himself up for a kiss, slower. Quieter. Still desperate but at least slightly controlled.

"Please. Lover."

'Lover.'

He breathes it before he kisses him, letting his eyes drop closed as he pulls lightly on Random's lower lip before kissing him properly. Slow and first, gentle tongue, before making it deeper and pressing against him, feeling the warmth of his body as cool water rains down on them from above.

He's determined not to rush this. Their last night and he wants it to be about them, not about about what's going to happen.

"Yes."

He wraps his arms tight around him, tilts his head back, opening his mouth and letting Ramon control it. It's a relief.

Gentle. Careful.

Mine.

Random had asked to be kissed until he couldn't breathe and that's exactly what Ramon does. He keeps kissing him, the intensity building slowly as he buries a hand in Random's wet hair, the other at his back, keeping him close.

His shoulders are already rising and falling rapidly as he hitches for breath.

But this is perfect. What he'd wanted. What he hoped for.

When he pulls back to breathe...he doesn't, really. He touches their foreheads together and his thumb makes small circles at the nape of Random's neck as he catches his breath under the spray.

'Better?'

"Yes."

He smiles weakly, up at him, blinking spray out of his eyes and then twisting to kiss Ramon's jaw.

"Thank you. Do you need to wash your hair?"

He nods, relieved that Random's calmer, and reaches for the shampoo.

'Si. Do you want to get out? I won't be long.'

Get clean and then wear you on my skin all night and try not to let it go..

"No, let me."

He grabs it from Ramon's hands, takes some, and leans up to kiss him as he works it through Ramon's hair.

"I want to."

Will you do this for her? Part of the charade that'll make her feel like I feel now?

He closes his eyes. He can do that. He doesn't want soap in them, after all. And his hands find Random's hips, to reside there while he waits and lets his lover touch him in a way that he's never let anyone touch him before, in almost fifty years of life.

Wouldn't be like this if I hadn't let myself fall.

But he hadn't been able to help it, and he's not sorry.

'Don't do this to her.'

Almost a whisper, as though he's embarrassed to ask it of him.

His hands, which had been sure, falter, and drop.

I didn't deserve to win your trust.

"Won't."

He smiles and if it's faintly sarcastic, it's at himself for asking, not at Random for agreeing.

He turns and lets his head drop back so that the water hitting his hair washes the shampoo away from his face.

'Finish it off.'

"Kay."

He does it quickly, eyes shut, and leans close as soon as it's done.

"I..."

so sorry so sorry so sorry

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